Meet the Elite Eight

[Behind the scenes on the set of Partners in Crime]

It's been even more crazy-busy than usual since the last time I wrote. In the past 6 weeks I have moved to a new apartment and made a new short film, each of which took a boatload of time as well as physical and emotional energy. Last weekend was the first weekend in over two months, since I got my new job, that I did not have to do anything moving- or movie-related. It was so awesome to not have any weight on my shoulders that it didn't even stress me out (too much) when my roommate's bedroom flooded two days in a row during the torrential downpours.

But, what I really want to tell you about is my new short! It is called, "Partners in Crime," and I am not going to tell you a single thing about the plot, cuz I am mean like that. You'll just have to find a way to see it! But I am going to tell you about what an amazing experience it was to make.

Way back in 2008, after completing work on "Smalltimore", which had an ensemble cast of 12 people, I vowed that the next film I would make would be TWO people. In one room. And they would both be mimes. And, during the short time that I remembered what a giant pain in the ass it is to shoot a film with so many speaking parts and subplots, I actually did write a short script that was set in one room with two characters. But, for various reasons I never shot it, though I still intend to. And no, they are not mimes.

So now in 2011 I had forgotten ALL about the difficulties of an ensemble cast and only remembered the good parts, which, in the end, far outweigh the tough parts anyway. So I am glad I forgot.

There were a lot of wonderful things about this shoot. I got to shoot in my friend Drew Rieger's AMAZING home in Mount Vernon, again (we shot Jason Baustin's "Gone Forever" there last Labor Day weekend). I got out of my comfort zone, i.e., working with Michelle Farrell as my Director of Photography, and this time had my dear friend Phil Calvert (who you may know as Thom in "Smalltimore") as our DP. All of that was great, but when I am on the set I am so laser-focused on getting it done that sometimes it is hard for me to enjoy the moment. But pre-production, for a change, was a different story.

Usually pre-pro is a giant pain. But, since we were shooting in one location, and the story takes place all in one evening, I didn't have to spend a lot of time worrying about wardrobe and continuity and location changes and transportation and parking and blah blah blah blah BLAH. My cast were all experienced and laid back, everyone was comfortable wearing clothes and jewelry that they already owned, and the ladies were cool with doing their own makeup and hair.

So let me back up a little bit and tell you what the true, true beauty of it was for me, as a writer, and as a director. Over the course of three years and almost two dozen productions that I have worked on, I have met a lot of talented people. For "Smalltimore," I was not in that situation, therefore I had to go through a lengthy casting process, which I did take my time on and therefore found some fantastic actors. For "The Red-Headed Menace," I knew who I wanted and again had an awesome group of actors, but it was a totally different animal than "Partners in Crime". "RHM" was a comedy short, again with a large ensemble, but no one had more than a few lines. So we didn't have a table read, we didn't have rehearsal, and some of the actors had never even worked with each other before they got to the set that day. I even shanghaied my friend Lisa, who had only agreed to be the makeup artist, into having an onscreen line, right on the spot.

But "PiC" was very different. This is a story that is important. Well, actually, it is a very small but important piece of a much larger and even more important project. A prelude, if you will. I knew what, and for the most part, who, I wanted for this project. I needed actors who were not only extremely talented but also who would personally invest in the project, and basically collaborate with me on the story. I needed people who would trust me, and each other, implicitly. And that is exactly what and who I got.

I want to tell you a little about each of them. I'm not sure who to start with, so this will be in rather random order. Of the eight actors, I had worked with seven of them before. Rain (Pryor) was the only one I had not worked with, though we had been talking for some time about doing something together. I actually had thought of her for the role of Melanie in "Smalltimore," but she was having a baby at exactly that time (and Kelly Coates thanks her very much for this!). Jessica (Felice), Michael (Alban), and Altorro (Black) had worked with me on other projects on which I was the Assistant Director, but had not worked with me on one of my own projects. Megan (Rippey), Kelly (Coates), Tony (Bonz, a.k.a. Antonio Jefferson) and Alexandra (Hewett) had worked with me on other projects on which I was writer, director, and producer.

Michael was the lead on "Gone Forever," which we shot in Drew's home last year. I helped with casting, though the final call was not mine. I pushed for Michael and was very glad when the director agreed with me. He played opposite Cici Carmen and honestly they may be the most ridiculously good-looking onscreen indie couple ever, not to mention TALLEST. They each have significant others, but for the sake of the industry, they should just make little actor babies. But more importantly, Michael is super-dedicated and while we worked together I was very impressed with his preparation and professionalism. I knew I wanted to write something just for him some day, and soon, before he gets all famous.

Kelly (a.k.a. Mel in "Smalltimore") plays his onscreen sweetie, and really, I just miss her. She makes me laugh all day long but the only time I get to spend any time with her is when I put her in a movie! In "Smalltimore" she didn't really get any action til right at the end, so the least I could do was give her a hot husband that you actually get to see throughout the movie this time.

The whole cast is pretty smoking, I must say. There is adorable Megan Rippey, who is simply onscreen candy (who can act her face off). She is sort of the free spirit in the story, a dinner party with everyone else being mostly overeducated type-A's. For wardrobe I asked her to, "show up in your hippie-dippie Sunday best." She arrived in a get-up so spot-on I didn't have to change so much as her earrings.

Jessica Felice plays Megan's onscreen sister, though I realized after editing the short down to the 9-minute parameters of the competition, I had dropped the expositional line that lets the audience know that they are sisters. So in the short version, sisters, lovers, you decide! I worked with Jessica on Steve Yeager's film, "The Rosens." She was such a pleasure to work with, I really wanted to see what else she could do.

I met Tony Bonz, who is an R&B singer, at the beginning of this year when Michelle and I made a music video for him. We got Tiger Dawn to play his onscreen girlfriend in the video. Tiger is incredibly talented, but Tony held his own. He had never done anything like that, acting onscreen, but he pulled out all the stops, and he trusted me. He truly is fearless and I thought of him immediately for this project.

I had seen Altorro at Stonehenge (mass auditions), I think, and also in some clips from other local indies before I met him at the casting call for "Gone Forever". He only had a small speaking role in "GF," but I could tell, strictly from his talent, that he was more often cast in leading roles. Still, he never had a moment's attitude and did a great job, and I kept him in the back of my mind for something in the future. Of the eight cast members, I knew Altorro the least, personally, and he was the only one that I thought might say no. I'm very glad he didn't.

I met Rain a few years ago, after she married someone I know here in Baltimore. She is friends with many of my good friends here, so we had these overlapping circles but we never hung out with each other until earlier this year. I had approached Rain in February about another project (not my own), which ended up not coming to fruition. When that fell through we were both disappointed, but we mutually decided that we would simply have to find something on which to work together. She was the first person in the cast that I talked to when I came up with the idea for the short, and she was on board immediately. Rain always has many irons in many fires, in addition to having her hands full being a mother of a three-year old, but she took the role very seriously and brought me a performance that packed the punch I was hoping for.

And then there is the lovely and talented Alexandra Hewett. Two years ago, soon after meeting her at the Creative Alliance, I cast Alex in "The Red-Headed Menace," and we quickly became friends. Last summer I cast her in a non-speaking role in the short, "Janis". I've seen Alex perform onstage several times, and last fall we were even cast mates in a production of "The Laramie Project" at UB. Alex has been so loyal to me, as a director, and as a friend. I really wanted to give her something much meatier to show her considerable range and talent. I did, and she did not disappoint.

I do want to tell you more about the time we spent together leading up to production, because it was very special and I want to write about it while it is still fresh in my mind, but alas, it is past my working-class bedtime! So you will just have to watch this space...

Journey... No, wait, REO Speedwagon!

Tonight I am listening to the sound of the rain pattering on the skylight in the second floor hallway, and enjoying my last few days of central air conditioning. Timmy (my yorkie) is doing the same, sitting beside me on the bed. He is nice and calm now. Earlier he was not too happy about all the thunder. Stuck in my head is an REO Speedwagon song that my friend Elizabeth put on my birthday CD last year (I haven't received this year's yet, HINT HINT). It was the first song on the disc and probably my favorite:

"So if you're tired of the same old story, baby, turn some pages.
I will be here when you are ready to roll with the changes..."


A week from today I move into my new apartment, one mile down the street from where I live now. I love the apartment itself, it is huge! But I was there to sign the lease yesterday and after spending just 5 minutes of the near-hour it took to sign everything and do the walkthrough, I had about melted into a puddle. I haven't lived in a place that had window units in 13 years. Oh well, the lease is signed now!

It will all be fine, I can't wait to move in, and make it my own. Well, my own + Bentley's own, though he keeps telling me he'll won't be there much. Which kind of sucks, because now that I am used to living with another person, I kind of like it, and Timmy does, too.

I feel like I need this new apartment, to go with my new life, my new job. Living in this house with Lisa, and everything about my life for the past year+, has simply been a lengthy transition. Preceded by 20+ years in the hotel industry, I had the last two years of the hotel job (and corresponding apartment) and new movie life overlapping, and now for the past year, no hotel job, no apartment of my own, just 12 months of limbo, trying to figure out if I could make it, and if I wanted to make it, as a full-time freelance filmmaker. The answer to both questions, apparently, is no. And this week really left no doubt in my mind about that.

I found this last year of trying to spin gold from thin air exhausting, and sometimes depressing. I did get to work on some wonderful projects, like Chris LaMartina's "Witch's Brew", Jason Baustin's "Gone Forever", and Steve Yeager's, "The Rosens". Some other projects were not always as enjoyable or of the same quality, though. And as a freelancer trying to make ends meet, I no longer had the option of picking and choosing what I wanted to work on. If it paid, and if I could convince the person writing the checks that I was the right person for the job, I took the job. But I also spent a lot of time talking to some very nice people with good ideas, but for whatever reasons those ideas never got off the ground. Michelle warned me about that early on, and she was right. For every 4 or 5 meetings I/we would have with a potential client, maybe one of them saw it through to actual production.

And while all that was going on, I was having issues getting my own project, my documentary on Joyce J. Scott, off the ground. I had plenty of time to shoot, but no money or equipment. I couldn't afford to go to New Orleans with her to film a very important project she is working on down there, something that I see as being essential to the film. Now I have a job and the money to go - and no time! But I will make it happen, somehow. I always live up to my word.

At the moment, I have another promise to live up to, and that is making a short for the 29 Days Later Film Project 2011. We had our first cast meeting last week, and it was simply inspiring, which was exactly what I had envisioned it would be. I don't want to talk about it, though, as I don't want to give anything away. But I will say that the cast is nothing short of stellar. Most often when I write, I hope and pray that the cast can succeed in translating the emotion that I put on that paper to the screen. But honestly, my cast is so crazy-talented and so emotionally invested in this piece themselves, I hope my writing can live up to their expectations.

Okay, I will tell you this much: most of the cast has never worked together, and many of them had never even met. But after putting these people together in a room for a little over 2 hours, the energy level was so high that I got next to no sleep when I got home that night, I was still so wired. They are each very strong personalities but very sensitive people, and that's why I chose them for this project, and that's why I knew they would appreciate each other. As different as they are, they are like-minded souls. When the meeting drew to a close, it was the actors, not me, who insisted that we have another cast meeting before I put pen to paper.

That itself was an amazing thing, and that is what really had me high that night. When I was managing the hotel at the same time as making movies, one was always interfering with the other. But now I have this great job and though I am not making movies all day, the things that I am doing are movie-related and are making me a better filmmaker, and the paycheck that I am generating there allows me to do the niceties that make all the difference, like bringing wine and cheese to a cast meeting!

I suppose that REO Speedwagon song is a love song of sorts, but when I sing it (as I do, very loudly, in my car with the top down whenever possible), I think of it as me talking to my Gemini self, my practical twin and my creative twin coming to terms:

"As soon as you are able, I am willing
To make the break that we are on the brink of
My cup is on the table - my love is filling
Waiting here for you to take and drink of

So, if you're tired of the same old story, oh, turn some pages
I will be here when you are ready to roll with the changes..."


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand DRUM SOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(which I also do while driving in my car)

Roadtrip: The 'Burgh

[I was hoping that Hines Ward's "Dancing With the Stars" Mirrorball Trophy was on display somewhere and I could get a cheesy picture with it, but this was the best we could do. Mirrorsaurous!]



Last weekend I headed up to Pittsburgh for five glorious (really!) days with my friend Alvina. By now you must know that I grew up in that area, and lived in the city for a few years after high school as well. I went to the University of Pittsburgh for a year, where I learned to drink beer and play pool, skills that I use to this day.

Alvina had to go to the 'Burgh for a work conference, so I tagged along/chauffeured. Hanging with Alvina is no joke. I think I spent about a month's rent on dining out. She is quite the foodie and we have to try (and photographically document) EVERYthing. She also does not take research lightly, which is a good thing, because all of my old favorites had since closed, so we relied on the list of places she had looked up and wanted to try. Then there was the debacle of trying to go to a bar owned by Hines Ward. It made for one of several interesting cab rides, but alas, it seems Hines sold it some time ago. Before the trip was over, however, I did make it to Jerome Bettis' Grille 36, which was very nice and had great food and service. Cutest little mini-pierogies I've ever seen in my life!

I think we'd been talking about this trip for about two months before I landed the new jobby-job, and luckily they were super cool about letting me take the days off. And I am SO glad I got to go. We stayed at the William Penn Hotel, which is stunning, and great service, and smack in the heart of the city. Though I had lived inside the city, I didn't ever spend much time downtown. After 5 days, I must say I was seriously impressed. Stephanie Rawlings-Blake needs to take Luke Ravenstahl out for one helluva dinner, and get him liquored up so he will tell her all his secrets about running a city. The difference I saw in Pittsburgh compared to just ten years ago is probably the same difference one could have seen in downtown Baltimore comparing 5 years before the Inner Harbor renaissance and 5 years after. But in Pittsburgh, it seems to be city-wide, and definitely the entirety of downtown, not just one area. I couldn't believe how many swanky restaurants and bars were downtown, and they were all packed! The Convention Center looks like a cross between The Starship Enterprise and a cruise ship, in a good way, and its views of the rivers are unbelievable. Both Pride Festival and the Three Rivers Arts Festival were going on that weekend, and it just seemed like Pittsburgh was the place to be. We also managed to take in a reception at the Andy Warhol Museum and a Pirates game and the gorgeous PNC Park in the same night. AND they were filming the new Batman movie right outside of our hotel!



What amazed me maybe more than anything was how CLEAN the city was. I am not making this up, it was practically spotless, even in the famous wholesale district known as The Strip. Everything seemed sparkly, fresh, and proud of itself. It made me very happy to see the city looking so incredible. Pittsburgh is the mousy girl in a John Hughes movie, when she takes off her glasses and suddenly everyone realizes she is smokin' hot.

And speaking of movies, yes, I realize this blog is supposed to be about movie-related things, and once again, I have digressed. But if you are still reading, apparently it does not bother you too much.

I got to see my ex-roommate, Lorraine (in the dino pic with me), and one of my best friends from high school, Andy. Drew, as I usually call him, is a doctor at Pittsburgh's famous Children's Hospital. We caught up over lunch at a joint on Liberty Avenue, a few blocks away from his office. It's funny, my Mom still lives up that way and once in awhile she'll tell me that she saw Andy on the local station as a "medical expert" for a news story. He is married now, and has three boys, and even if you didn't know him you could tell by meeting him that he is doing exactly what he was put on this earth to be doing. It seems that everyone from our tight-knit high school group is also following their bliss. Drew and I talked about that, as we always do during our rare get-togethers. We were so damn innocent back in the day, we really were. Not one of us lost our virginity in high school, no one drank until at least 17 (and truth be told, that was just me, with my friend who lived up the street who went to public school), and trying drugs never crossed our minds. Even if it had we wouldn't have known where to get them or what to do with them. It sounds idyllic, but it's true. We were having too much fun just being together to bother with any of that stuff that people do when they are bored or miserable.

I believe that those formative years, wherein we managed to make good choices and keep good company, did indeed carve our individual paths in life somewhat. We have all fallen in and out of touch over the years, (and unfortunately, a few of the Motley Crew, as we used to call ourselves, are no longer with us) but they - Lauren, Andy, Robert, Beth Ann, Michaela, Ace, Shawn, Brian, Chris, Elyse, Jessica, Janet, Nancy, Laura, Beth B, and a few others - will always owe each other a bit of gratitude, I think, for the successes we have had in life as well as the strength to overcome adversity. These people, and this city of Pittsburgh, instilled in me those credos that dominate my life - skip the drama, get it done, no excuses, have fun.

Go West... about 20 miles west.

I have completed Day 7 of my new full time job at an amazing company called SIMmersion. The more I learn about what they do, the more fascinated I am with the concept, let alone the development process, let alone the product. I won't go into detail about the work itself, but if you want to find out more about the company just google them, they have a website with some samples of their product.

The office is in a sweet suite in an office complex in Columbia, about 20 miles from where I live. The commute isn't bad, and I've been able to drive with the top down both ways every day since I started. Combine that with the awesome CD mixes I got for my birthday from my friends Jody, Alex, Kelly, and Paul (still waiting for a few, hmmm...) and it is actually a pretty damn pleasant way to start and end the day.

I love my office - I have my own - a real one, not a cubicle, with a great big frikkin' window. I stripped it down and rearranged the furniture, and when I have time to do so I will bring in a few pieces of artwork and maybe a small table to decorate, make it my own. On the first day, I thought, I am tempted to bring in my giant framed poster of Mae West (my personal hero), as the hot pink in the poster and the black frame would really pop on the plain white wall... but she looks really perfect on the wall behind my bed, too, so I'll figure something else out.

The people are wonderful, the work environment is peaceful but not at all boring, and the product is something to be proud of. I couldn't be happier. Well, I could be - and I will be, soon. The only thing about starting a new job is that I HATE to not know what I am doing. I want to know everything, and I want to know it all at once. A large part of the job is data entry into a complicated technical program that is mind-boggling to wrap your brain around, but it is what makes their videos so unique and so well done. I do find the whole thing interesting, but I am not exaggerating when I say that I am probably the most computer illiterate person in the company, so now, in the beginning, the learning curve is very steep for me. I'm not scared, though. I am actually very excited. Less than three years ago, I was staring down a similar barrel. At that time it was learning to edit in Final Cut Pro that was my challenge. What I am embarking upon now makes FCP look like finger-painting. But that's just fine. I love it.

It has seemed to confuse a lot of people who know me fairly well that I took this job. At first, Michelle, for example, seemed to think that it was purely desperation that drove me to it, that it wasn't what I really wanted to do. And some of the folks at my job check in on me now and then, asking me how it's going with this look on their face, as if they are waiting for me to get the crazy eyes like a caged animal. Especially with my friends, their confusion initially confused me. I didn't get why they didn't get it, how perfect this job is for me. I get to write, I get to solve problems creatively, I get to learn things I would never otherwise have access to, I get to travel and meet new people... I get to work in an air-conditioned building! As much as I love being on a set, most of my time as a filmmaker is spent on pre-production. Making phone calls, sending emails, begging favors, stretching dollars. When I finally do get to the set, I never, ever sit down, and 12 hours is usually a short day. I am not complaining about any of those things. They are challenging, but that is what I love about it. If it was easy it wouldn't be worth doing.

It took me awhile to realize, some of these friends only know me as Jeanie the Filmmaker. To them, that is what I do. When they introduce me to people, they tell them that I am a filmmaker. And to tell you the truth, I think that is supercool and it makes me very happy! But the people who know me absolutely best know that there is a lot more to me. I am a Gemini through and through, and along with that creative twin comes the logical twin. This job not only satisfies both sides of that coin, but is already challenging them both in ways that I never thought about. I have been shocked myself as to how easy it has been to get up in the morning! It gets my blood pumping.

My brother, Ted, and my friend Mikey B. seem to understand, and both have commented that this job appears to be tailor-made for me. My Mom gets it, too, but I think to her it is mostly a relief that I have health insurance again.

On Day Two at the new job, I bought my lunch in the deli that is on the ground floor of the building. While I waited for my sandwich to be made, I flipped through a magazine that was on the top of a stack in the window. Almost immediately I found myself looking at the same photo of Mae West that you see at the top of this post. Underneath her gorgeous face was one of her many famous quotes,

"Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often."

I looked around to make sure the deli lady wasn't watching, and I tore the page out of the magazine. It is now hanging on the corkboard in my office, staring me in the face when I sit at my desk and work on the computer.

Today on the way home from work, top down, I put in a CD that I had mixed for myself a few years ago. It is full of fun and empowering songs that are well-suited to a convertible, slick sunglasses, and singing very, very loudly. The opening song is very short, it is called "Reckless," and it is crooned by, guess who, my Guardian Movie Star. Backing up Ms. West's sexy, smoky alto voice is a soprano chorus that sounds nearly celestial...

"What'll you ever be? What'll you ever do? How'll you ever know if you don't take a chance?

You have got to gamble! With fate!

I wanna live long, learn a lot. I'll light my candle and I'll burn a lot!

You've had some bad shots! Hard knocks!

I'm on my own if I bruise.

And there'll be smiles here! Shouts here!

And I can take it on the chin if I lose. Because I'm reckless!

Because she's reckless!

Because I'm reckless!

Because she's reckless!

I'm gonna go places and look life in the face."

Happy Birthday to Me

May has been a banner month, and it is not over yet! Last week I got to see my director friend Adam Bronstein ("My Movie Girl") when his film was screening just outside of Philly. I hadn't seen Adam in a year and a half, when he last visited me in Baltimore. It was great to see him, I think we talked for 5 hours straight the first night and another 6 hours straight the next day. We're pretty well caught up now! Then this week, I FINALLY got back up to Mikey's cabin in the Poconos and got to see him for a couple days, and just chill. He went back to NYC today, so now I have a few days by myself to catch up on some reading and writing. I haven't been here since October, I really missed it, and Mikey. Also this week, my friend Bentley moved back to Baltimore, which makes me very happy. If all goes well, he will be my new roommate by the end of the summer, too.

All that is well and good and makes me happy to reconnect with my good friends, but the most important thing to happen this month is that I landed a job that I really, really wanted. Lately it was getting harder and harder to keep my chin up. A couple months ago I totally botched a job interview, by making the fatal error of not looking at the company's website before going to the meeting. A very dumb mistake, but it simply slipped my mind to do so - I hadn't been on a proper job interview in more than 13 years, and back then, not everybody even HAD a website. Then last month, a freelance gig that would have carried me through the entire summer fell through - after I had nearly maxed out my credit cards on a trip and surgery for my dog. I was starting to lose hope that I could continue to survive doing what I love doing, and would be forced to go back to what I once loved but now hate - hotel or restaurant management. There are good jobs out there in the hospitality industry that I would be more than qualified for, but just the thought of going back into that made me very depressed.

I was beginning to wonder if everything I have been doing for the last four years had been a waste of time. In a span of less than three years (the first year working on rewriting the screenplay for "Smalltimore") I worked on a total of eighteen productions, only three of which were my own projects, and won five awards. One-third of those films I worked on gratis, choosing those projects very carefully, to build my resume, my contacts, and a stockpile of favors. On other people's projects, I was most often a producer and/or assistant director, but I also racked up writing credits on five productions other than my own, and even a few acting credits.

But the last few months, things just seemed to stop clicking. People I thought I could count on turned out not to be what I thought they were. I was finding that a lot that I had paid forward was just that: not to be returned by the people I paid it to. My faith in humanity, and my own judgement of character, was a bit shaken. Still, I tried to hold on to the one credo I have in my life - that it, my life, always turns out the way it is supposed to. Sometimes it takes awhile to get there, sometimes it is a very scenic and unexpected route, but it always does get there. And once again, it has.

I won't mention the company name yet. I start work on Tuesday, and I want to make sure it is cool with them for me to talk about on my blog. But I can tell you that I will have the interesting title of Script Engineer. What the hell is that, you ask? Well, writing will be only about one-third of my job, and the rest will be rather technical computer programming that is going to take many months of training to get me up to speed. I will be scripting interactive training videos, which may sound boring but I don't think it will be boring at all. Some of these videos will be used to train people for jobs such as drug and alcohol counselors, people who deal with victims of sexual assault or abuse, and criminal investigators, among others. I will be a part of a team that researches these vocations in great detail, and then design programs to help them do their jobs more effectively. Getting to do what I love most, in a way that actually helps people? Pretty damn cool.

Of course, we'll see how it goes, but from what I know about it so far, this is a job that was practically custom tailored to my strengths, combining logic, empathy, and creativity. And to have a "regular" job in which I get paid to write has been probably the only consistent goal I have ever had in my life. I can't begin to tell you what that means to me. It was only one year ago that I received my first check ever for a writing gig. I probably only charged half of what I should have - but I likely would have been just as thrilled to do it for half of what I did get paid. For me, it was validation of the highest order. Like the first time I sold a photograph, I finally felt I could refer to myself as a photographer, or the first time "Smalltimore" was accepted to a festival, I could introduce myself as being a filmmaker. I know that I have always been a writer, but to be able to say that I do it for a living carries a weight that I have always longed for. I have never been so excited to start a job. No more sleeping in! No more Law & Order marathons! And I am actually happy about that!

So, I still haven't talked about the image at the top of this posting. This is the tarot card, "Strength," the eighth card in the deck. Something you may not know about me, I have, off and on for many years, read tarot cards, and I am told that I am pretty good at doing so. Strength is my favorite card, and is the card I use to represent myself in a reading. The image really speaks to me. Here is a woman, alone, dressed in a pure white robe, but her waist is entwined with red roses, significant of desire. The devil really is in the details. She is standing with a her hands on a lion. She may be opening its mouth or closing it, but either way, she has tamed this beast that in reality she should fear. The cold blue mountains in the distance represent logic, but there is also much green vegetation in the picture. A lemniscate of Eternal Life, also known as a figure 8, floats above her head. This card is about courage and fearlessness, but it is also about balance, and the importance of finding harmony between opposing forces. I don't know a lot about numerology, but there is something special about that symbol, "8". Everything is cyclical, everything comes back around. You get back whatever it is that you put out there in the universe. You might not get it back from the people or place that you think you will, but you will get it back. That is important to remember.

I start my new job on Tuesday, May 31st, which also happens to be my 44th birthday.

4 + 4 = 8


.

Each Day is Valentine's Day

[A quilt by Elizabeth Caldwell Talford Scott.]

Today was an amazing day. I knew that it would be, but at the same time I was not looking forward to it. Today I went to the funeral of Elizabeth Caldwell Talford Scott, the mother of Joyce J. Scott. You always hear people saying that they don't want their funeral to be sad, they want it to be a celebration. But for all those good intentions, I have never been to a funeral that truly was a celebration. Until today.

The chapel at the Joseph Brown Funeral Home practically vibrated with all the creative energy and talent that was assembled in that room, too many names to even drop, the Who's Who of the Baltimore art scene and beyond, faces I recognized from MICA, the BMA, The Reginald F. Lewis Museum, and The Creative Alliance. Many of these friends of Joyce had known her mother for many years, some had known her their whole life. They spoke lovingly of memories of Elizabeth, all of which of course also included Joyce. Lorraine Whittlesey, Joyce's collaborative partner in Ebony & Irony, played the organ before and during the service. Aissatou Bey-Gracia and Kay Lawal Muhammed (Joyce's other half in The Thunder Thigh Revue) gave a spoken word performance of "Ode to Mama Lizzie," a poem by Joyce for her mother. George Ciscle, Dr. Leslie King-Hammond, Oletha Devane, Ellen Burchenal, and Linda DePalma gave their remembrances of Elizabeth, as did Kweisi Mfume, just three days after he spoke at William Donald Schaeffer's funeral.

I learned a lot about Mama Lizzie today that made me wish even more so that I could have really known her. By the time I met her in 2008 she was in need of 24-hour care, and could only communicate with Joyce and a few who knew her best and took care of her. This was at the time that I had asked Joyce to take a role in "Smalltimore". Though Joyce wanted to do it, it meant less time with her mother, and having to make arrangements for her care during the many hours Joyce would be on the set. To my eternal gratitude, Joyce worked it out and was able to take the role. Not many people know this, but originally the character's name was Mrs. Wainwright. The character is a wealthy, eccentric, widowed artist, and I thought "Wainwright" sounded like a rich name, and it was also the last name of a close friend. But I wanted to do something to show Joyce how honored I was that she took the role, and something to honor her mother, for the sacrifice, so I told Joyce that I would like to change the character's name to Mrs. Talford. So that is how that came to be.

I learned today that Elizabeth Caldwell Talford Scott has had her artwork exhibited in the Museum of Modern Art; has taught workshops at The Smithsonian Museum; and had received the Women's Caucus for Honor Award for Outstanding Achievements in the Visual Arts. I learned more than I had already known about the sacrifices she had made for Joyce, learned more about the passions she instilled in Joyce, and learned about the ones that didn't take, such as cooking and gardening.

I flashed back to a recent event, Joyce speaking at the Reginald F. Lewis Museum shortly after the opening of the group show, "Material Girls," a current exhibit at the museum in which Joyce has several pieces. Before she started to talk that day, she first broke into song, which Joyce is prone to do at any given moment. "There'll be one child born..." she sang, "to carry on..." She sang the whole song. Her audience was so rapt that other than her voice you could have heard a pin drop. I wrote about that day a few posts earlier in this blog, and I mentioned that I became emotional several times during her talk, but especially during this song. Before that, I didn't know exactly what she was going to be talking about that day. When she sang it, I knew that she was about to talk about her mother. And, knowing her mother's age and health, I flashed forward to the day that was closer than we could have known at the time - the day that Joyce would have to say goodbye to her mother.

Joyce appeared to be very strong and calm today. It truly felt as if this vibration of love, respect, admiration, and joy, was helping Joyce to lift her mother's spirit to the sky. My own strength came and went, as I felt her pain, and thought of my own loss eight years ago when I was with my Dad for the last five weeks of his very short life. The service was flowing gently through the scheduled songs and speakers. About halfway through the program, I believe it was after Leslie and Oletha spoke, Joyce, unscripted, began to sing. She stayed in her seat in the front row, looking straight ahead, and sang, "My Funny Valentine," from beginning to end. No one moved a muscle. I heard someone whisper that it had been one of Elizabeth's favorite songs. One by one, people, myself included, wiped a tear, then two, then three, trying to be discreet, wishing we had Joyce's strength, wishing we could be as strong as her, for her.

"Don't change a hair for me. Not if you care for me. Stay, Funny Valentine, stay...
Each day is Valentine's Day..."

Finally, on the last two words, Joyce's voice broke.
As did my heart.

And others who refuse to admit,
That life without magnanimous love ain't worth spit.
That Mama Lizzy and her contemporaries will bust the universe and wax
Contrary,
She's the silver horizon between dusk and dawn.

~ from "Ode to Mama Lizzie"
by Joyce J. Scott

Resolve, Rekindled

[Me with Cici Carmen (lead actress) and Michelle Farrell (DP) at the premiere of Gone Forever (writer /director Jason Baustin) at the AFI Theater in Silver Spring.]

The last couple of months have felt a little... off. Some financial realities are setting in. I knew the winter months would be slow, but I was hoping by now, mid-April, I would have a few more summer projects set in stone. Michelle assures me that this is still the slow time, but she is also worried that the dawn of the DSLR camera may be costing freelancers like ourselves a lot of business. That may be part of it, but it takes a lot more than buying a camera to make a movie. I think that a larger part of the problem is that the economy still sucks. Making an independent film is, in some ways, a luxury. And in a bad economy, luxuries are the first thing to go.

Recently a project fell through that would have kept me both busy and paid for a few months. Not worth going into the details of it, and as a professional, I wouldn't anyway. Long story short, some things are more important than money. Things such as integrity, sanity, happiness, blood pressure, and my reputation as a producer. I take all of the above very seriously. Money to me is a well that always finds a way to refill itself. I always find a way to land on my feet.

A few weeks of stress was luckily followed by a few days of being reminded why I do what I do and that there are people out there who are glad that I do it. Friday afternoon I showed the rough cut of a new music video to a client, Tony Bonz, and he absolutely loved it. It was a very fun project to work on, and Tony put all of his trust in me, and Michelle, to manifest his vision into a tangible product. Though that trust helps to make a project go smoothly, in a way it adds more pressure to get it right. But also more satisfaction when you do!

Then yesterday I attended the premiere of "Gone Forever", a dramatic short by writer/director Jason Baustin that I was producer and AD on last fall. Jason really went all out. The premiere was at the AFI Theater in Silver Spring, a fantastic venue, and included a catered lunch for all attendees, as well as professionally packaged DVDs for cast & crew. It was so good to see all the friendly faces of the people with whom I spent 5 days in the trenches seven months ago. It was a very ambitious, challenging piece to make (more than a dozen locations in a 25 minute script, car crash, SFX, shot on The Red) but it all went pretty smoothly, with an ace group of cast and crew. Seeing two projects that I am very proud to be associated with come to fruition really eased the disappointment of the cancelled project, and shored up my resolve to follow my instincts.

At the premiere, a friend I hadn't seen since the "Gone Forever" shoot (we used a room in his house as one of our locations) told me that he just watched "Smalltimore" again a couple nights ago. To hear that, of course, would make me happy at any time, but the timing made it mean a little more to me. Also in the last few days, an actor who was in "Smalltimore" called me to order three DVDs he wanted to give to some people from WBAL who are interviewing him about something else, and Minas Gallery contacted me to bring them another batch of DVDs as they have sold all the ones they had in stock. Combined, these little bits of encouragement totaled the shot in the arm I was in need of at this moment.

A good friend of mine, whose job was making him absolutely miserable, called me earlier in the week to sound off. He was considering quitting his job without having a job, which is usually not advisable, but the work situation was truly effecting both his physical and mental well-being. Being a bit stressed about the flow of income myself these days, I hesitated, at first, to encourage him to quit. But I know him well enough to know that he had already made up his mind, and was looking more for support than advice. Life is too short, I said. I can't stress that enough, to anyone, ever. He turned in his resignation the next day and has been celebrating ever since.

Some things are more important than money.

Most things, actually.