"Unfortunately..."

...a word I am all too familiar with. It is almost guaranteed to be lurking within the first three to five sentences of a rejection letter from any given film festival, including the SENE Festival (South East New England, I think), the last remaining festival I was waiting to hear back from. I was not terribly disappointed, except for the fact that it is yet ANOTHER fest my friend Adam Bronstein's film, "My Movie Girl," did get into, and we kept hoping that we would get to screen together again (we met in Philly last year when we both screened there). But, I am very happy for Adam. For me, it was a small relief not to have to spend money on travel expenses for a fest, now that I am unemployed.

But far more unfortunately, this sinister word also jumped out of another envelope I received yesterday - this one from the Director's Guild of America, telling me I did not make it to the first round of in-person interviews for the program. I won't lie, that one hurts a bit more. Well, all right, I did just lie - that one hurts a lot more.

I opened this literally as I was walking out the door to go to dinner with some friends. I felt sick but I went out anyway. I really just wanted to lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling and consider what my options are now and start making decisions about what the hell I am going to do with the rest of my life, the next 3 to 6 months in particular.

It still makes the most sense for me to move to New York. But now I don't HAVE to do that by June. Now I can maybe take that extensive road trip I have been daydreaming about. I still have $400 worthof Shell gas cards sitting in my desk. that equals about 8,000 miles (highway) in my car. Not a bad start.

Well, I have a few weeks, maybe more if I go up to Mikey's cabin for the month of May, to figure things out. Right now I am wrapping my mind around purging my belongings. I sold one of my televisions a few days ago, and as I write this a woman is on her way to pick up a piece of Belleek porcelain I am selling. God Bless Craigslist. Though be careful if you use it these days, I have been BOMBARDED with people phishing for my personal info. Annoys the piss out of me.

I am in a mood, to be sure. Glad we don't have any filming and I don't have any personal plans for a few days. I wouldn't be pleasant company. I'll be fine. I have just been living in limbo for so long, I was really hoping for a solid plan for a couple years, in the DGA program. I just have to rethink things and approach them from a different angle. If I wasn't going to get into the program, I have said all along that I wouldn't even want to go to the first interview, wait a month, second interview, wait a month, and THEN get turned down. I'd much rather know now. And now I know.

Be careful what you wish for, huh?