Nuff Said

[The only pic I took during my NYC visit last month. The wait was 90 minutes to go to the top of the Empire State Building so I just took this snap in the lobby.]

Ugh, sorry about all this whining lately. Feeling sorry for myself is not an emotion I am used to, it's kinda gross. I'm done now.

So, everyone keeps asking me, now what? Now that I have been stripped of my dreams, my heart wrenched from my chest, my --- oops, sorry, there I go again. Just kidding, really. I was very upset when I got the letter saying I was not getting into the DGA training program. But, my friend Greg bought me a pity dinner and my friends have been very supportive, and in some strange way it is another weight off my shoulders. Now I am totally free to carve my own path.

And since absolutely nothing is in stone, I can change the plan up on a whim. Right now I am thinking that I will first spend most of May up at Mikey's cabin, and maybe finally make that short that got cancelled last November. My birthday is on Memorial Day this year, so I need to be at a racetrack with friends on that day, it is tradition (especially after I won $2,700 at Charlestown last year on a $2 bet!)! Then we need to go back to the beach for the final scenes of "Lamplight". After that I think I will jump in my Mustang with my dogs and take that cross-country trip I was talking about before all this DGA stuff came up. And then, move to New York.

My friends keep telling me they don't want me to leave, which is nice to hear, but as they pull me closer to them with one hand, they push me out the door with the other because they all are excited about having a free place to stay in New York! I haven't completely ruled out staying in Baltimore, but it would take something amazing falling from the sky and into my lap. I keep saying that, and people ask me what I mean, what exactly would it take. It would take a film-related job with a decent salary and a future, room for growth, not just treading water. Something I couldn't say no to. If I settled for less than that, I feel like I would be copping out, because the thought of moving to NYC is a little scary. But, 12 years ago I came to Baltimore without knowing a soul and made it my own. 11 years ago I had never left the country, and now I know Paris like the back of my hand, and have crash pads from London to Budapest. New York is daunting, but that is the challenge of it. I can do it again.

But first, that road trip. I was talking about it to some people last night. When I see other people's eyes light up and they say to me, "That would be so cool!" I know I am on the right track. My plan may be in flux, but one thing is in stone: it is my goal, always, to have other people live vicariously through me :) . Somebody has to go out there and have adventures, I want it to be me!

"Unfortunately..."

...a word I am all too familiar with. It is almost guaranteed to be lurking within the first three to five sentences of a rejection letter from any given film festival, including the SENE Festival (South East New England, I think), the last remaining festival I was waiting to hear back from. I was not terribly disappointed, except for the fact that it is yet ANOTHER fest my friend Adam Bronstein's film, "My Movie Girl," did get into, and we kept hoping that we would get to screen together again (we met in Philly last year when we both screened there). But, I am very happy for Adam. For me, it was a small relief not to have to spend money on travel expenses for a fest, now that I am unemployed.

But far more unfortunately, this sinister word also jumped out of another envelope I received yesterday - this one from the Director's Guild of America, telling me I did not make it to the first round of in-person interviews for the program. I won't lie, that one hurts a bit more. Well, all right, I did just lie - that one hurts a lot more.

I opened this literally as I was walking out the door to go to dinner with some friends. I felt sick but I went out anyway. I really just wanted to lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling and consider what my options are now and start making decisions about what the hell I am going to do with the rest of my life, the next 3 to 6 months in particular.

It still makes the most sense for me to move to New York. But now I don't HAVE to do that by June. Now I can maybe take that extensive road trip I have been daydreaming about. I still have $400 worthof Shell gas cards sitting in my desk. that equals about 8,000 miles (highway) in my car. Not a bad start.

Well, I have a few weeks, maybe more if I go up to Mikey's cabin for the month of May, to figure things out. Right now I am wrapping my mind around purging my belongings. I sold one of my televisions a few days ago, and as I write this a woman is on her way to pick up a piece of Belleek porcelain I am selling. God Bless Craigslist. Though be careful if you use it these days, I have been BOMBARDED with people phishing for my personal info. Annoys the piss out of me.

I am in a mood, to be sure. Glad we don't have any filming and I don't have any personal plans for a few days. I wouldn't be pleasant company. I'll be fine. I have just been living in limbo for so long, I was really hoping for a solid plan for a couple years, in the DGA program. I just have to rethink things and approach them from a different angle. If I wasn't going to get into the program, I have said all along that I wouldn't even want to go to the first interview, wait a month, second interview, wait a month, and THEN get turned down. I'd much rather know now. And now I know.

Be careful what you wish for, huh?

BREAKING NEWS:

Just got my letter in the mail - I made it through the application stage of acceptance to the DGA (Directors Guild of America) Assistant Directors Training Program in NYC. This was actually the stage I was the most worried about. The next (2nd of 4) stage is that I go to NYC on February 20th to take a 4-5 hour written test. If I am one of the top scorers there, I am invited back in April for the first round of in-person interviews.

WOO HOO!

Thanks for your support, as always!

JC

Girl's Night, Games, & Gore

[Yes, that is crispy BACON topping the maple cream cheese icing on the maple bacon cupcakes that my friend Alvina brought over to Ladies' Independent Movie night at my place. If it weren't for men, and not being able to afford fitting my butt into anything other than coach class, I would eat these things EVERY DAY.]

Last Saturday night I had five of my female friends over for a Ladies' Indie Film Evening. We watched my friend Adam Bronstein's "My Movie Girl," and I'd say it was a hit with the crowd. In addition to writing and directing the film, Adam also was the lead. One of my friends, Elizabeth, had met Adam when he visited me a couple months ago. I think it is always extra cool to see people you know in the movies, and I think Elizabeth enjoyed the movie a little bit extra.

Monday, I finally, at the last possible minute of course, sent my application to the Director's Guild of America (DGA) Assistant Director Training Program in New York City. I can't even begin to explain to you how badly I want this. I was working on the set of, "The Rosens," last spring, and the gaffer/grip Grey Adkins told me about the program on our lunch break. It sounded far too good to be true. It is a two-year program, there is no tuition cost to the trainee, AND they give you health insurance while you are in the program. What's the catch? It is very stiff competition. Out of 250-300 applicants each year, they only accept 5 to 7. If you get past the application step, you have to go to NYC to take a written test in February. If you get past that, you go back in April for in-person interview(s). And if you get past THAT, you go back again in May for another, final in-person interview. If you are one of the very few they finally select, the program begins in mid-June and lasts for two years.

So now, we play The Waiting Game... I hate The Waiting Game.

The things Grey told me were true - no tuition, yes to insurance. In addition to that, the program is in large part on the job training. I would SO much rather be doing that than sitting in a classroom, so that was good news to me. They farm you out to film and television productions, and while you are working on the set, you get paid. I think it must be operated sort of like a temp agency. It's not a regular check, since sometimes you are on the set and sometimes not, so you'd have to get a part-time job to make ends meet in the Big Apple. Upon successfully completing the two-year program, you can join the union as a 2nd Assistant Director.

Everything about this program sounds like it is perfectly suited to me and what I want to do. By no means do I think I am a shoo-in, but I do believe I have as good a chance as anyone. Moving to New York would be a big deal, but I have been visualizing it for awhile now, and getting excited about it. To the point that I may do it whether I get into the program or not. Pleeeeeease don't think that I am anxious to leave Baltimore. If you've read much of my blog(s), let alone seen "Smalltimore," I hope you know how much I love this city. I don't think I could ever be the kind of person to say of any single place, though, "This is where I am going to spend the rest of my life." I'm a Gemini. That's how we do.

And speaking of my dual nature, I am super-stoked to tell you that it looks like I am going to have a (very) small part(s) in an upcoming horror short by Zinnia Films. Jason Koch is the writer/director. I met him at Cinelounge at the Creative Alliance. He had seen me in "The Red-Headed Menace" and the preliminary trailer for Charm City/Smalltimore and asked if I would do this little part. It is not many lines, which is good for me, but the really cool thing is, it is a dual role, so I get to play two completely different people. This to me makes it waaaay more fun than just doing a little part, which would probably just rack my nerves. It is actually a lot more about how I look than about the dialogue, so I can focus on that and not be so nervous. And also I won't have much responsibility on the set, so for once maybe I will be privy to all the behind the scenes gossip and drama, since I won't be the one in charge!

I have no aspirations at this late date to become an actor, but doing something small like this once in awhile, I believe, helps me to be a better director. It also builds my confidence, as I honestly find it quite scary, and it not so much forces me out of my comfort zone as it CATAPULTS me. I just met Jason, really, but I was comfortable with him right away and I am looking forward to working with him. I had a chance to see some shorts that Zinnia Films has done. They were very professional, I especially liked "Yard Sale." They have a good reputation, and one thing always leads to another. It is in pre-pro now, shooting in March-April. Can't wait to get on a new set! Even though I may end up covered in blood!