The Winds of Change

This photo is of a wind farm at the top of a mountain on Route 30 in Pennsylvania. I have traveled this road countless times, though it is only in the last few years that the wind farm appeared. Growing up in Pennsylvania, we would take Route 30 through the Laurel Highlands to come down to D.C. to visit my Grandmother. Now, starting in the opposite direction, I take this road from Baltimore to visit my Mother in Pennsylvania. Along this same road, also known as the Lincoln Highway, is a bison farm. That wasn't there when I was little either, at least not that I can remember, and I think I would remember seeing a field of big woolly bison. There is also the remnants of a magical place called Storybook Forest, now closed, that we used to go to when I was very young. You could walk through Snow White's house, and the shoe from the nursery rhyme, "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe..." At Bald Knob Summit, the highest point and most winding stretch of road on the trip, is a scenic lookout where you can see seven counties, on a clear day. Just past that used to be an amazing hotel that was built to look like a giant ship, it looked like the real thing, perched right on top of the mountain. We never went inside of it, but it was one of the markers that my brother and I always got excited about seeing on the way to Grandma's. It burned to the ground a long time ago. Not far from there, in tiny Shanksville, is a sign directing travelers to the Flight 93 Memorial, where that jet crashed on 9/11. I have stopped there a couple times, though I haven't been there since the memorial actually went up, so I don't know what it looks like. When I went there, it was just a big, grassy field, and you could kind of see where the earth had been carved by the wreckage. It reminded me of the field I saw in Lockerbie, Scotland. Two friends of mine were killed on Pan Am 103, that exploded over Lockerbie in 1988. I went to see Lockerbie for myself about 15 years later. There, too, the earth, though scarred, had healed itself.

At the top of Laurel Mountain on Route 30, about 45 minutes away from where I grew up, is the dilapidated remains of a restaurant that my Father owned when I was in high school. By then my parents were divorced, and my brother and I spent many weekends up there. I really loved that place, and would dream of when I was all grown up and would inherit the business from my Dad. The jukebox had had John Cougar Mellancamp and Toni Basil. Dad would let us play the video poker machine if no one was in the bar. It is a pretty isolated spot, and a lot of the clientele were bikers, including some Pagans. They were always nice to us, though, and I remember teaching one of them how to play the arcade game Ladybug. And the cook grew pot back in the woods behind the building.

It is funny to me now, thinking so far back, that at that time I thought that that place, and that business, was my future. I did go on to work in and manage restaurants for awhile, and so did my brother. It had never occurred to me, regardless of my love for writing and drawing, that growing up to be an artist of any sort was a viable option. It took me most of my life, and it took Baltimore, to show me that it was not only an option, but a moral imperative.

Today I spent the afternoon at the Reginald F. Lewis Museum of African-American Art, filming Joyce J. Scott, who is the subject of a documentary I am working on, giving a talk. (by the way, do yourself a favor and go to see the exhibit there called "Material Girls" that just opened; Joyce has 6 pieces in this exhibit, plus several pieces in the museum's permanent collection) Steve Yeager was kind enough to come with me and operate the camera. Joyce spoke for almost an hour, showing slides of her work, and of her family, and talking about how she evolved as an artist. She joked that she was an artist "in vitro", and claimed to have put her signature on her placenta when she popped out, so her parents could sell it and make some money. Everyone laughed, of course, and so did I, but I also knew she was perfectly serious. Joyce has been an artist all of her life, it is all she has ever been or wanted to be. She is probably the most gifted person I have ever met. And as she put it, when someone asked her about being an artist at the talk today, she is, "the right person for the job."

As I listened, and laughed, from time to time I found myself getting very emotional. I try to make sure that at all times, I appreciate what I have, where I am in life, and the company that I keep. And here I was, at 2:36 pm on February 19th, in a wonderful museum in my favorite city in the world, making a movie about this amazing woman who has agreed to let me spend the next year finding out everything I can about her. Have I mentioned that Joyce has two pieces of her work in the Smithsonian? Have I mentioned that my camera man, Steve Yeager, is a Sundance Award-winning director? And have I mentioned, most importantly, that they are both my friends? Sometimes I just can't believe how lucky and blessed I am, and today was one of those days.

It was one of those, "If you told me five years ago, that I would be..." moments. I have those once in awhile. But it was more than that. It hasn't even been three years since I made my first film. I didn't realize, when I was making "Smalltimore", that it would change my life forever. But it did. I learned a lot about Joyce today that I didn't know, and I realized that one year from now, I will once again have transformed. There is no way that this project is NOT going to change me, significantly. I don't know how it is going to change me, exactly, but I believe it will be for the better. Change is almost always for the better. I am glad that I am not afraid of change anymore.

My Dad's restaurant has been empty for many years now. The roof is caving in, windows are broken, and a collection of abandoned vehicles are rusting in the overgrown parking lot. It makes me a little sad when I see it. I wish it were a place where I could stop in and have a beer, introduce myself to the proprieter and reminisce a little. But, maybe it is better this way.

A Good Problem to Have

[Jennifer Swartout portrays Janis Joplin in the movie short, "Janis." Go to the Facebook page "Steel Corset Productions" for details and find out where and when YOU can see it!]

Hey there... another long spell of not blogging... I know, I suck, but it is just that I have been so crazy busy I have had no time or energy to write. But I really DO want to keep you in the loop! So please join me on my new Facebook page, STEEL CORSET PRODUCTIONS ( http://www.facebook.com/pages/Baltimore-MD/Steel-Corset-Productions/169509529729209?ref=ts ).

There, in the soundbite style we have all become accustomed/addicted to, you can find out exactly what I am/have been/will be up to, and find out in a way timely enough so that you may actually attend some of these events instead of just hearing about the aftermath! Also I will be posting there whenever people like extras, interns, or production assistants are needed, so if you have always wanted to work on a movie set you will likely soon have the opportunity. I will also list calls for crew and actor auditions there, for my own projects as well as my filmmaker friends.

I'm going to try to be a better twitterer, too, but no promises there.

But become a fan ("like") Steel Corset Productions ASAP, because things are happening! Tomorrow night is the premiere screening of, "Lamplight," at the Wind-up Space, where you will also be able to see the very first teaser/trailer for Chris Lamartina's "Witch's Brew." And if you see a young woman that looks like a pretty version of Janis Joplin, that is my friend Jen Swartout who indeed portrays Janis Joplin in a short we collaborated on this summer that will be screening soon at the Creative Alliance. So, in a nutshell that is tomorrow night, you can see the fruits of my summer of labor. But you need to go to the Facebook page to get all the details, because it is a lot of info and, as usual, I am exhausted!

P.S. this does NOT mean I am completely abandoning the blog! I will post a link to it on the SCP Facebook page whenever I make a new post. I am heading to the Poconos for several days, so I very well may have some time to write!

Warding Off the PPD

[Driving around Lake Harmony last autumn, likely my temporary home in May]

It is 11:05p.m. on a Monday night, and I didn't have to be anywhere or do anything film-related today, and other than making a couple phone calls and/or emails, I don't have to do anything film-related tomorrow, either. It is quiet as a tomb (if a tomb had two little dogs sniffing around, and was located on a rather busy Baltimore street) in my apartment. It is nice. I got the whole way through a movie ("Stranger Than Fiction") without the phone ringing once or even beeping with a text message. Ah, bliss.

But it won't last for long - the quiet, not the bliss. Bliss comes in many forms, for a Gemini like myself. Wednesday I am finally back on the set with Steve Yeager's project, "The Rosens", filming in Towson Diner and Bel-Loc Diner. Should be good. Thursday and Friday, filming in D.C. on a new short written and directed by my friend Mark Aguirre, called, "Rock Creek". It is good to stay busy, though after "Rock Creek," wraps, I can't take on any other film projects until I move at the end of April. I have too much to do.

We wrapped principle photography on "Lamplight" Sunday night. It was bittersweet, at least to me, but I think to most everyone actually. We had a really good cast and crew, everyone got along beautifully and we had a lot of fun. We have a few more pick-ups, but we can only do one scene now, have to wait for Johnny Alonso to get back into town, probably in May, to finish the other shots. He is busy on several different projects all over the world (literally) between now and then, mostly with his television show "NASA 360" which airs on the Discovery Channel.

After knowing Johnny peripherally for a couple years (we know lots of the same people, but had never really worked together, just run into each other at various screenings) not only do we get to work on a set, but we get to be in a scene together, which we shot last night. Speaking as an A.D., Johnny is a total pro and a pleasure to work with, but speaking as a non-actor who had to act in a scene with him, I can't even explain to you how many extra miles he goes for the scene, and for the people he is working with. What am I talking about? Of course I can! That's what I do!

As I have said before, I am not an actor, but taking on a small role now and then helps to keep me on my toes and helps me to be a better director by putting myself in the actor's shoes. My role(s) in "Lamplight," however, were the first time that I was not playing myself or a character based on myself. It was concurrently more fun and more nerve-wracking that way.

I had three scenes total, two as the lead character Perry's mother in flashback scenes, which we shot earlier in production. In those scenes it was a very small set, and I was fairly comfortable though still a little nervous. We shot one scene Saturday night that was a hoot in some ways and horrifying in others. The horrifying part was that I had to say mean things about a little boy, and that really was not easy at all, but Jason walked me through it beautifully. The fun part was that I got to be in a scene with Regina Guy (now we have starred in two movies together, this and "The Red-Headed Menace"!), and also this hilarious, pure(in?)bred Baltimorean named Butchie. Zinnia Films made a documentary about Butchie called, "Southside Survivor," that hopefully will be screening within the year. I've seen some clips and it is fantastic. It was a treat to meet Butchie and play opposite him, even just for a couple lines. He had me and Regina laughing so hard it was difficult to do the serious part of the scene after he left, but we managed. Butchie (and a 6-pack of Natty Boh, and a couple shots of Amaretto) helped me to relax and I think I did all right.

During my close-up, at the end of one of the takes, I was laughing. I was a little bit drunk at this point, if I am to be honest. I told Jason way back in January after I read the script for the first time, that if it was all right with him, I'd rather actually be drinking than trying to act drunk, as I don't trust my skills that much yet. In the script there is some flashback stuff where the mother is laughing and I knew we would have to do that at some point. It is so hard to fake laugh without it seeming fake! But at the end of this particular take, I was really laughing, and Regina was sitting across the table from me. The camera was close on me, so it didn't matter what she did, she just couldn't make any noise. I knew if I kept it going, honestly laughing, that Jason would let me roll with it and then I wouldn't have to fake it later and have it be awful. Me laughing was causing Regina to laugh but she had to stifle it, which made me laugh even harder... which made her want to laugh even harder, which made me laugh even more than that, which made everyone in the room have to control themselves from laughing, which made me laugh so hard and so long before Jason finally yelled, "CUT!" that I am sure my face was turning red and I was breaking into a sweat. I even had a bit of a head rush and had a headache for a few minutes.

I don't know how it looks because I don't want to see it for awhile, and I especially did not want to see myself on camera before gearing up to do the scene with Johnny yesterday. Very rarely does any good come out of showing the actors their dailies (footage) before production is wrapped, in my opinion. If an actor asked me to see their footage, I would say no, so I was not about to break my own rules and ask to see it. Even when Dave was playing back some of it on his Macbook Pro the next day, I walked away so I couldn't see it. But I could hear them playing the part where I was laughing, and at least it sounded authentic, which it damn well should have! I almost busted a blood vessel!

Anyway, in my scene with Johnny, I play a bar owner that reminds him of his mom and he loses his shit on me. He blew up at me and it was great, and for his close-ups he looked totally insane. I think he freaked some of the extras out. When it came time for my close-ups, we did it once with Johnny feeding me his lines and it felt pretty good but I could feel myself anticipating too much and I was afraid it didn't look great. Plus, because of where the camera was, Johnny couldn't actually sit in front of me, so I had to look where he had been sitting and pretend I was looking into his crazy eyes like I was in the wide shot, even though he was standing a foot to the right of that spot. For the second take, I asked Johnny, I told him I needed him to really flip on me to get a real reaction, because this just isn't what I do. Johnny is always conscientious of the other actors in his scenes so I knew he would only take it as far as he thought I was comfortable with (which was still pretty far), but I also knew if I gave him license to totally freak on me he would bring it. He screamed at me like a maniac, and afterwards Jason said my reactions looked great. He honestly did shake me up a bit.

But now it is over, pretty much. It is good to have other projects in the wings, to ease me out of production mode day by day over the next two weeks, but "Lamplight" was really special, even to the point of me second-guessing myself about where I am going and what I am doing. Now I have even more, new, friends telling me they don't want me to move away, or telling me they are sad that I will be moving so soon after meeting me... and maybe even some who won't bother getting to know me better because I will be leaving so soon. It is only to New York, I tell them. It's really not that far.

That is what I have to keep telling myself, too. Damn my Gemini self. One part of me can't wait to launch a new adventure. My other internal half is hoping that something or someone will make it impossible to leave. I don't want to cop out due to my fears, and I do have some. I am starting to remember how I felt when I first came to Baltimore, not knowing one single person here, and leaving an incredible, tightly-knit group of friends behind in D.C. My first six months in Baltimore were excruciatingly lonely, and many nights I laid in bed wondering if I had made the biggest mistake in my life. There was nothing terrible in D.C., nothing that drove me out of there. I missed my friends so much sometimes it made me physically ill. But moving to Baltimore, did, in fact, turn out to be one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

Well, we shall see what happens. Nothing is in stone. But... I can't wimp out, either. I couldn't face myself if I felt I was wimping out. I am feeling very confused at the moment, and I am certain that Post-Production Depression is playing a part in that confusion. I have plans to go up to Mikey's cabin one weekend next month. I have to first drive to my hometown to bring some stuff to my Mom's for her to store for me. Then I am going to snag my best friend from high school, Lauren, and take her to the cabin with me, to get us each a weekend away from our respective responsibilities, as well as some fun time together, which we haven't had since last August. I think it will help me put things in perspective. Being at Lake Harmony always helps me to sweep the cobwebs and confusion from my brain, and at this crossroads in my life, I think it is most appropriate that Lauren come along for the ride, and even more appropriate that this getaway take place at Mikey's cabin. I have known Lauren for almost three decades; I have known Mikey for almost two. For all but a few years of that time, I have not lived in the same area as either one of them, but they are and I am certain shall remain for the rest of our lives, two of my very, very closest friends. I know what I want and I need to make some decisions about where the best place is for me to be, geographically speaking, to get it. I have to trust that a little thing like geography won't interfere with my personal relationships. They might take a little extra effort, but it IS only New York.