The Winds of Change

This photo is of a wind farm at the top of a mountain on Route 30 in Pennsylvania. I have traveled this road countless times, though it is only in the last few years that the wind farm appeared. Growing up in Pennsylvania, we would take Route 30 through the Laurel Highlands to come down to D.C. to visit my Grandmother. Now, starting in the opposite direction, I take this road from Baltimore to visit my Mother in Pennsylvania. Along this same road, also known as the Lincoln Highway, is a bison farm. That wasn't there when I was little either, at least not that I can remember, and I think I would remember seeing a field of big woolly bison. There is also the remnants of a magical place called Storybook Forest, now closed, that we used to go to when I was very young. You could walk through Snow White's house, and the shoe from the nursery rhyme, "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe..." At Bald Knob Summit, the highest point and most winding stretch of road on the trip, is a scenic lookout where you can see seven counties, on a clear day. Just past that used to be an amazing hotel that was built to look like a giant ship, it looked like the real thing, perched right on top of the mountain. We never went inside of it, but it was one of the markers that my brother and I always got excited about seeing on the way to Grandma's. It burned to the ground a long time ago. Not far from there, in tiny Shanksville, is a sign directing travelers to the Flight 93 Memorial, where that jet crashed on 9/11. I have stopped there a couple times, though I haven't been there since the memorial actually went up, so I don't know what it looks like. When I went there, it was just a big, grassy field, and you could kind of see where the earth had been carved by the wreckage. It reminded me of the field I saw in Lockerbie, Scotland. Two friends of mine were killed on Pan Am 103, that exploded over Lockerbie in 1988. I went to see Lockerbie for myself about 15 years later. There, too, the earth, though scarred, had healed itself.

At the top of Laurel Mountain on Route 30, about 45 minutes away from where I grew up, is the dilapidated remains of a restaurant that my Father owned when I was in high school. By then my parents were divorced, and my brother and I spent many weekends up there. I really loved that place, and would dream of when I was all grown up and would inherit the business from my Dad. The jukebox had had John Cougar Mellancamp and Toni Basil. Dad would let us play the video poker machine if no one was in the bar. It is a pretty isolated spot, and a lot of the clientele were bikers, including some Pagans. They were always nice to us, though, and I remember teaching one of them how to play the arcade game Ladybug. And the cook grew pot back in the woods behind the building.

It is funny to me now, thinking so far back, that at that time I thought that that place, and that business, was my future. I did go on to work in and manage restaurants for awhile, and so did my brother. It had never occurred to me, regardless of my love for writing and drawing, that growing up to be an artist of any sort was a viable option. It took me most of my life, and it took Baltimore, to show me that it was not only an option, but a moral imperative.

Today I spent the afternoon at the Reginald F. Lewis Museum of African-American Art, filming Joyce J. Scott, who is the subject of a documentary I am working on, giving a talk. (by the way, do yourself a favor and go to see the exhibit there called "Material Girls" that just opened; Joyce has 6 pieces in this exhibit, plus several pieces in the museum's permanent collection) Steve Yeager was kind enough to come with me and operate the camera. Joyce spoke for almost an hour, showing slides of her work, and of her family, and talking about how she evolved as an artist. She joked that she was an artist "in vitro", and claimed to have put her signature on her placenta when she popped out, so her parents could sell it and make some money. Everyone laughed, of course, and so did I, but I also knew she was perfectly serious. Joyce has been an artist all of her life, it is all she has ever been or wanted to be. She is probably the most gifted person I have ever met. And as she put it, when someone asked her about being an artist at the talk today, she is, "the right person for the job."

As I listened, and laughed, from time to time I found myself getting very emotional. I try to make sure that at all times, I appreciate what I have, where I am in life, and the company that I keep. And here I was, at 2:36 pm on February 19th, in a wonderful museum in my favorite city in the world, making a movie about this amazing woman who has agreed to let me spend the next year finding out everything I can about her. Have I mentioned that Joyce has two pieces of her work in the Smithsonian? Have I mentioned that my camera man, Steve Yeager, is a Sundance Award-winning director? And have I mentioned, most importantly, that they are both my friends? Sometimes I just can't believe how lucky and blessed I am, and today was one of those days.

It was one of those, "If you told me five years ago, that I would be..." moments. I have those once in awhile. But it was more than that. It hasn't even been three years since I made my first film. I didn't realize, when I was making "Smalltimore", that it would change my life forever. But it did. I learned a lot about Joyce today that I didn't know, and I realized that one year from now, I will once again have transformed. There is no way that this project is NOT going to change me, significantly. I don't know how it is going to change me, exactly, but I believe it will be for the better. Change is almost always for the better. I am glad that I am not afraid of change anymore.

My Dad's restaurant has been empty for many years now. The roof is caving in, windows are broken, and a collection of abandoned vehicles are rusting in the overgrown parking lot. It makes me a little sad when I see it. I wish it were a place where I could stop in and have a beer, introduce myself to the proprieter and reminisce a little. But, maybe it is better this way.

Soaking Up The Sun

[Sunset on Lake Harmony. You didn't think I would be up at sunRISE, did you?]

I didn't really tell anyone I was coming up to Mikey's cabin, not even Mikey, until I was walking out my door, and he didn't get the message and get back to me until I was arriving at his. Friends with real estate are the best friends to have, I say. He's working, so he's not here, just me and the pups... and the chipmunks, who won't shut up, and the deer, who don't make a peep, and the rain, which makes a much different sound falling on soft earth than it does on harsh pavement. I needed this.

Just needed a few days of nothingness to clear my head and get some work done. On my plate: a contract to finalize with Michelle to grant distribution rights so that our short, The Red-Headed Menace, can be added as a special feature to her DVD of "Unraveling Michelle" when it receives distribution later this summer; a ballpark proposal to PM/AD a short over Labor Day weekend; reading through a 114 page script of a feature for a director who wants to shoot later this summer; wrapping my mind around the direction we need to go in for a sort of historical fiction short I am directing next month, for our rehearsal on Tuesday; ready a proposal letter for a major project of my own that needs to get off the ground in the next 2 weeks and will take at least a year to complete; finalizing a few details for shooting on Steve Yeager's feature, "The Rosens," our biggest and most important scene yet, on Saturday; and finally, Facebook blasting about Monday's Cinelounge meeting at The Creative Alliance. There would have been another feature script to read, but I haven't received the copy yet, so maybe next week on that one. Might need a second retreat to the woods!

My birthday was on Monday, so I had an awesome three-day weekend celebration. Saturday, went to a D.C. United game (first time to a pro soccer game) with a group of friends. My friend Elizabeth's boyfriend Paul is a member of a fan group called La Barra Brava. They are nuts, my kinda people! We had a blast. Sunday we went to the track, Charles Town, a birthday tradition. First time in four years I have not won "big" (apparently, the trick is to go ON my actual birthday), but still had a great time. And Monday, my friend Alvina hosted a birthday/Memorial Day cookout for me which was AWESOME and I have the tub of extra CoolWhip Sunshine Cake frosting to prove it!!! ...minus a few spoonfuls...

Some friends there, and elsewhere, have been asking, "So what about New York?" This is what I have to say about it, something I have thought a lot about: if I can make a living here in Charm City, doing what I love to do, in a city that I love more than any place I have ever lived or even any place I have ever visited, I will stay here. I don't need to be rich, I don't need to be famous. I need to be able to pay my rent, to feed and clothe myself, to afford to have a car and put gas in it, to socialize without regret, and to travel once in awhile. If I can do all those things comfortably, I would rather do that here than anywhere else on the planet. No kidding. If I won the lottery, yes, of course I would buy an apartment in Paris! But that would be my second home.

There are other things in the works as well, but I won't discuss publicly until they gel, for fear of jinxing them. Bottom line is, I am happy. I have moved out of the inn (where I previously worked/lived/got laid off from) and I now have a housemate in Charles Village, Lisa, who is awesome and will likely be mentioned in numerous blog posts (and immortalized in character in future film projects, because she is HILARIOUS - to the point I feel I should be legally able to write off my monthly rent as a business expense, as character research). Life is good. There is a line from a Sheryl Crow song that says,

It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got.

At the moment, I feel I have both. If that changes, I'll do something about it. But right now, if you don't mind, there is a chilled bottle of wine in the fridge singing to me its siren song...

Ya Give Me Fever...

[Many Baltimore roads and sidewalks are impassable, but when I really needed to shake off the cabin fever, I knew Dougherty's would not let me down. This passageway to their door was cut through a hard packed snowplow pile that was easily three feet tall and six feet from street to sidewalk. Because this is Baltimore, and that's how we roll.]

And more flakes are falling, even as I write this! Though relatively speaking, this is supposedly going to just be "a dusting". We'll see. Even the forecasters are admitting this thing could go either way and they have no idea how much we will get.

All I can say is, thank goodness for neighbors with four-wheel drive. Thank goodness for neighbors, period! One of the many things I love about this town. See, this is my car (a.k.a. C.K. Dexter Haven) at the moment:

Poor Dexter. I miss him. I put the cover on him before the first big storm and haven't seen him since. What was that, two weeks ago? I have lost all track of time. I was doing just fine, had plenty of "supplies", but I was down to the last can of dog food for each of my dogs. So neighbor Pete drove me to the vet for Max's food and the pet store for Timmy's food. Pete even drove me to my hair appointment in Fells Point yesterday, when I couldn't get a cab. Though I guess I will have to find one to and from my class at the Creative Alliance tomorrow night.

Later this week I am going to New York for a couple days, to see some friends and to (bump, bump, BAAAAAAHHH!!!!) take the written test for the Director's Guild of America Assistant Directors Training Program. Which happens to be taking place ONE BLOCK from where a good friend of mine lives, so I will be able to (in theory) get an extra hour of sleep. I have to be there at SEVEN A.M. Ouch. Though my dogs have me up that early all the time. But once I feed them they often let me go back to sleep.

Not so this Saturday. Again, thank goodness for neighbors, as other neighbors, my dogs' "Uncles" Phil & Ron will be taking care of my guys while I am in NYC taking this test. It is 4 to 5 hours long! I'm not scared, though. Writing is my thing, and I've always tested well. Still, the content is unknown and there is no way to study for it. They say it is mostly problem-solving. That is also what I do. I can't wait, actually! I am FAR more excited than I am nervous. I'll be very interested to see the mix of people taking the test. They say that about 300 people apply to the New York Program each year and they only accept 5 to 7. I don't know how many people they cut just from the application stage, but that step was my biggest concern, actually, and I am past that at least.

The snow was kind of stressing me out, though, only in that it might impede me from actually getting to New York. I had planned on taking the Bolt bus, which leaves a few blocks away from my house and would be $40 round trip maximum. But last week I decided I just coudn't chance it, so I shelled out almost 3 times that much, $115, for a train ticket. I prefer traveling by train, But I'd even more prefer having that extra $75 in my pocket, especially as I have less than two weeks left of gainful employment. But I cannot take the slightest chance of not making it to this test.

That's really all I have to say about that for now, though. I'm not the type to wring my hands over, "what if it doesn't happen? What if I don't get in?" The only thing I can do about it is to do my best, and let the cards fall where they may.

In other movie news, there are a couple of indie screenings in town that I am very excited about. Tonight, as a matter of fact, Regina Guy dies a horrible death in the local indie horror, "President's Day," at the Charles Theater, 7:30pm. The only thing Regina likes better than being onscreen is being killed onscreen. I've seen some of the movie stills... and I think I am going to be watching a great deal of this movie from between my fingers, with my hands over my eyes. Next week, "Heaven Burns," is screening in Towson. I know a bunch of people who worked on that and I have heard great things, so I am very excited to check that out also.

The horror short I am working on with Zinnia Films will be kicking off soon, though we have to postpone shooting the exteriors for obvious reasons, not the least of which is, there is no place to park in this town! Side streets where it is legal to park are a mess, and for now it is still illegal to park on the main corridors because it is still a Snow Emergency. They towed 15 to 20 cars off my block of Calvert Street last night, starting at midnight. Bet there were a lot of ticked off people this morning.

It is almost a good thing I will be unemployed in March, because between Jason's (Zinnia Films) movie (10-12 shooting days, including about 48 hours in Bethany/Ocean City), Steve Yeager's movie (probably 6-7 shooting days), teaching my pre-production class at the Creative Alliance on Saturday, March 27th, and attending the Stonehenge auditions in D.C. (shooting schedules permitting) on March 28th, I might have only 9 or so days that I am not committed to something. Plus two other people's projects that I might get involved with on top of those. Oh, well, it should keep me out of trouble at least. Yea, right.

Tune in next week to hear about my jaunt to the Big Apple! Drive safely!

Ready For My Close-Up... Ish.

I have no movie-related photos, per se, for you, but I hate to post without pics. And the above is a very rare cute pic of one of my dogs, Timmy, a.k.a. Baby Boy. Tim is very camera shy and most often comes across looking extremely stressed out, for example:

Poor Timbuktu. I know how he feels. People who consider themselves to be a director, or at a minimum consider themselves to NOT be an actor, often have varying degrees of stage fright themselves, and I am no exception.

A friend of mine in Paris, Jerome, is an award-winning director who refuses to even allow a photo of himself to be taken. When I was making the short, "The Red-Headed Menace," Michelle, who is used to being behind the camera instead of in front of it, proved to need more coddling (well, perhaps, "threatening" would be more accurate in her case) than the children on the set. She was truly uncomfortable, though she pulled it off in the end and I have received many compliments from people who know her well on how natural her performance came across.

I have been on camera a grand total of three times. The first was in the preliminary trailer for Charm City/Smalltimore (click on the YouTube link at the top of the sidebar on the right and you can check out my debut for yourself) that was made waaaay back in December 2007, eight months before we actually started filming Smalltimore. I was more or less playing myself in three scenes, 2 of 3 with another actor who was a good friend and with whom I was very comfortable. The big factor, however, was that my friend Sean Stanley was directing the scenes, and I felt very comfortable doing whatever he told me to do. Okay, maybe "comfortable" isn't the right word, but I trusted him, and more importantly, I respected him and didn't want to screw up in front of him or waste his or the crew's time. It is not easy for someone, especially someone who is used to being the person in charge, to surrender themselves to someone else. That is what acting is, handing yourself over, and I have a great deal of respect for actors. I think it is important for a director to put her/himself in their shoes once in awhile.

The second time I was in front of a camera was in November of 2008, when I took Steve Yeager's Acting for the Camera seminar at the Creative Alliance. Talk about nerve-wracking. Each of the six students in the class were given a different monologue, each selected by Steve, to memorize in one week before our next class. If I remember correctly, mine was almost FOUR minutes long, That is an eternity, and a lot to memorize. I wish I could remember the play it is from, I'll have to ask Steve. But the gist of it was, I think, that a rather shy and sheltered rural housewife tries, clumsily at first, to seduce a young man who is in her house to repair her bedframe. I worked very hard to memorize this enormous chunk of dialogue. We also had to figure out all on our own, with no direction, what our body language, movements, and facial expressions would be. I studied the script and worked on it while I was drying my hair, doing dishes, taking a shower, whenever I could.

The day came and my heart was beating out of control from the moment I got up, just thinking about it. I had to deliver this monologue, standing in front of the camera by myself, while Steve stood in front of me behind the camera and my five classmates sat on the sidelines. I felt my face flush, feeling them staring at me, sort of seeing them in my peripheral vision.

"Aaaand, ACTION."

The great and perfect thing about the piece (which was actually very strange, and I don't think I even really understood it until I had read it a million times and had it fully committed to memory), was that the character starts off, in my interpretation anyway, quite timid and nervous but by the end of the piece has gathered confidence. And that is how it played out as I recited it. I was a WRECK to start off with, my stomach seized up tight like a fist, my knees wobbly. I could hear my voice shaking. I was terrified that halfway through I would blank out, or just look like a deer in headlights. But it worked for the piece. She was supposed to be unsure of herself. By the time I got halfway through, almost two whole minutes, I realized that I wasn't going to forget anything, and I could tell by the look on Steve's face that I was doing fine with my physical presentation as well. And I could tell by the complete lack of movement in my peripheral vision, and occasional laughter in the right spots, that I had the full attention of my classmates. As I ramped up towards the end, the character talks in an extremely sensual manner about the experience of opening a can of tuna fish. I was extremely NOT comfortable delivering this part of the speech, but it is like karaoke, or wearing a hat - it is all or nothing. If you don't belt out the song or have a little swagger in your step, you are going to look like an idiot. Better to only feel like an idiot, but look like you know what you are doing. I stared a hole through the camera and made sure that anyone on the receiving end knew that even though I was talking about a can of tuna fish, I was unmistakably NOT talking about tuna fish at all.

"Aaaand, CUT!"

I got a round of applause, and one of the guys in the class exhaled sharply and claimed that he would never look at a can of tuna fish in quite the same way.

The third time on camera was, of course, in "The Red-Headed Menace," this time definitely me playing me. Which is just about the hardest thing an actor can be asked to do, let alone a non-actor. Add to that pressure the fact that this was the largest set, almost 50 people, that I had ever brought together, and I am trying to direct myself, Michelle, and Craig Herron - the three of us all non-actors who are usually only behind the scenes - all in the same scene. These were my cast, my crew, and I am their director. Throwing myself into this fire was an opportunity to gain a deeper respect from them (and for them), or to lose any and all respect from them that I had already built up. It all turned out all right. Really good, actually. But that's the beauty of filmmaking - you will never see the terrible takes that came before the one decent one!

So, anyway... as I have recently mentioned, I am going to have a small role in an upcoming horror short, written and directed by Jason Koch, by Zinnia Films. I barely know Jason, but I can gauge pretty quickly how I am going to get along with people, and if I didn't like him (and the script) and trust him right off the bat, I most likely would have turned it down. If I had to read against someone else for the part I probably wouldn't have done it either. I am not an actor, so I would (a) just assume that almost any actor could beat me out for it, and (b) if I were any good I'd feel guilty taking a part away from an actual actor.

Though he has a great deal of experience within the industry, this is Jason's first creative piece that he is writing and directing himself, and I feel as strongly about not letting him down as I did about not falling on my face in front of Sean, Steve, or my own cast and crew. I'm excited. It's going to be fine. It's going to be more than fine. Stand back - I am going to nail this.

Clean Slate, Full Plate

Don't you love the first week of January? It's like the first day of school, or moving to a new city. So full of possibilities and delusions of grandeur!

Sorry I haven't been writing much, but I can see my blog stats are down, so you haven't been reading much anyway. I know, the holidays, I won't take it personally. Same here. Also I don't like posting without a photo to give you and there just hasn't been anything photo-worthy lately. I'll try to correct that very soon.

I took a nice little break for a few weeks, following the successful Smalltimore screening & DVD release party on December 9th. Got through the holidays relatively unscathed. Pretty low-drama Christmas at my uncle's and an intimate gathering of friends on New Year's Eve. Nothing crazy, and that was good. And though I can never totally stop talking about Smalltimore/filmmaking (because people never stop asking, and that is also good), other than my New Year's Day interview on L.A. Talk Radio (see link in the sidebar) I didn't do any actual film-related work for a solid 2-3 weeks.

It was a break I was looking forward to, but I am glad it is over as it was getting a little boring and I am anxious to get back on the set, ANY set.In the past week a lot of cool stuff has come up. I hope it all pans out, we'll see. This seems to be the time of year where, much like everyone swears to quit smoking or lose 20 pounds, they also swear to get their film projects off the ground. But the best of intentions are often waylaid by a lack of funds.

In the next 3-6 months, I may be working (PM/AD) on a feature in St. Louis, another PM/AD position in Baltimore, writing on a project in NYC, directing a project in Baltimore, and even acting in a small role locally as well. May be co-producing on a short or two also. We'll see what comes to fruition. I hope they all do, but that would probably be too much to ask. In my spare moments now I am researching for two different features I want to write, and I need to reschedule the shoot for the short I was supposed to do in November that got cancelled when Michelle got sick. Probably March or April for that. I still need to continue pushing Smalltimore, and I am working on brokering a deal with a couple local shops to sell the DVDs on consignment for me. Also need to start pursuing studio distribution, haven't even touched that yet. As I have mentioned, I will also probably be losing my "real" job, and quite possibly my apartment, in the next few months. Trying not to think or worry about that, as there is not much I can do about it anyway. My friends assure me that they will not allow me to live in a cardboard box, so I know I'll be okay anyway around it.

The January meeting of the Creative Alliance Movie Makers was a really good one, focusing on cross-pollination between local filmmakers and local music artists. I even saw a young woman, Winona, there, that I had met a year ago when I spoke to her film class at UMBC. Good to see that she is sticking with it and reaching out to make contacts within the community. Lois Tuttle, a board member of the Baltimore Songwriter's Association, gave a short presentation. I have always said that there is NO excuse for making a movie in Baltimore with a bad soundtrack. Too many talented people here who would love to have their music in a movie. Next month is the semi-annual mini tradeshow, looking forward to that also. Last night I attended for the first time the monthly meeting of the Baltimore chapter of Women in Film & Video. Arlette Fletcher, President of the chapter, invited me to come and screen a trailer for Smalltimore as well as my short The Red-Headed Menace. The threat of snow kept a lot of people away so attendance was low, but it was a nice little meeting at Blue Rock Studios off of Reisterstown Road. The short was well-received and though I didn't actually sell any copies of Smalltimore, I was able to trade one for a copy of a local documentary titled, "Going All Pro". I was lucky enough to already see this doc, that focuses on a local beer vendor at sporting events known as "Fancy Clancy". It is really good and might possibly screen soon at the Creative Alliance. I saw it because I screened it for the Members Committee. Two thumbs up from me! If you get a chance to see it, go.

I have been doing a bit of that lately, trading copies of my feature for other indie features or copies of my short for other indie shorts. It is kind of cool to have movies that no one else has, and also to get your product in front of your peers in this manner. I have even swapped with some people that I met at the festivals I went to in England, Philadelphia, and California.

What else is going on... oh, full throttle back in production with Steve Yeager on his latest feature, "The Rosens." I spent a few hours with Steve Yesterday, scouting a handful of locations I came up with for him for our remaining scenes, going over schedules etc. I also re-read the entire script last weekend and broke down the remaining scenes for scheduling purposes, and in the process dredged up about a hundred new questions and suggestions for Steve, which we addressed point by point over lunch at City Cafe. I was afraid I might drive him crazy but he seems to appreciate how thorough I try to be. It's cool to talk things out and have your suggestions met with a positive response from someone you respect. These are the things that make it worth it to me to "pay your dues." I took Steve's Acting For The Camera workshop at the Creative Alliance a year and a half ago. Getting a taste of acting for the camera was a great experience and made me a better director, but I had already shot Smalltimore by then. The larger reason I took Steve's class was because I knew him by reputation and I wanted to get to know him better, with the even larger goal of working on a project with him at some point. A month after I took his class, he asked me to be an extra in a scene. Five months after that he asked me to be his AD. Three months after that he asked me to be his Co-Producer. Mission accomplished.

Oh, and coming up next weekend is the screening of the short I worked on in Virginia over Labor Day Weekend with Michelle, "Please God, Someone Normal." That set was pure fun from beginning to end and I am as anxious to see everyone from the set as I am to see the finished product!

This month, after a two-month reprieve (as there are very few film festivals taking place in the winter months), I should be hearing from the last handful of festivals I submitted Smalltimore to. I was rejected by the San Francisco Indie Fest, which is a drag because my friend Adam's film, "My Movie Girl," was accepted. I met Adam at the Philadelphia Independent Film Festival, and we really wanted to screen together, plus I have a free place to stay in San Fran which would have been sweet. On the other hand, though, I am really broke, and trying to pay off credit cards before I lose my job, so possibly a blessing in disguise. I'll let you know how the rest pan out.

Anyway... So, I am busy. And I am happy. Both of those things keep me out of trouble :) Now that you have an overview of the many irons I have in many fires, I'll try to stick to updating about one or two of them per blog entry. Stick with me and see what happens next! I promise to get you some photos real soon. Happy New Year, I hope it is a great one for all of you!

Bring It!

That is exactly what I said to the drunk woman at the Cat's Eye Pub in Fells Point on Sunday night, when she kept telling me she was going to kick my ass for wearing my Steelers jersey. I was there with my brother Ted and friend Phil Calvert to see T.T.Tucker & the Bum Rush Band, among others, giving their yearly tribute to our departed friend, Thom Hickling. Phil, of course, plays the fictionalized version of Thom in "Smalltimore." We had a fantastic time, from what I remember, but this woman beside us kept tugging hard on my jersey and slurring in my ear, "Ahm gonna kick yer asss..." At first it was amusing, as in this town, threats of violence regarding rival sports teams are most often said in jest. After the third time is when I loudly responded, "Bring it!" to her. By now I was certain that the most work I would have to do is duck a slow-motion punch or just give her a good shove. Since the music was loud, her boyfriend couldn't hear what she was saying to me, but he heard my response. He asked me what she said, I told him. He told her to knock it off, and he bought me and Ted each a drink. I love this town. Probably didn't hurt that both my brother and Phil are each about twice this guy's size.

But, "Bring it!" is exactly what I have to say to 2010. I am excited. A lot of people I know are glad to bid good riddance to 2009. It was a pretty good year for me personally, but a lot of growing pains as well. Some I have talked about here, some I have not. In the case of "not," it was most often because I needed a little time to lick my wounds, and then by the time I managed to do that, something good had happened and I was over whatever rotten thing had happened, and it no longer seemed worth talking about. But I told you I would tell you the good with the bad, so maybe I should recap the bad a little bit, just to throw the final shovel of dirt on it.

First and foremost, being rejected by the Maryland Film Festival. That one still smarts. Since they received an early version of "Smalltimore", that could have something to do with it. I did hand-deliver an updated version, the same version that was accepted to three film festivals after that, but I don't know how likely it is that they watched it a second time and at the last minute. So, I could have rationalized all that to myself. But what made me mad was that the MFF did not have one single homegrown feature. Not. One. Out of approximately 100 time slots. There were a smattering of Baltimore/Maryland made shorts in the shorts programs, but not one feature length film made in Baltimore or Maryland. That really pissed me off, particularly because the MFF offers a discounted submission fee for films that are at least 50% filmed in Baltimore or Maryland. I think that is very misleading advertising and unfair. I find it hard to believe that not one decent local feature was submitted to them.

I've held my tongue about it for a long time, because we do indeed live in Smalltimore, and I don't want to burn any bridges. I even know a few people who work for the MFF and who sometimes read this blog. I myself am even a Friends of the Festival member! The MFF is a very well-run festival, and the FOF has fantastic events year-round, that I try to take part in whenever I can. The MFF does have a disclaimer on their website that it is not a "local" festival. I just think that offering that discount is false advertising. And I think it would be going against the very reasons I started this blog to not tell you that.

In the end, though, the MFF did me a huge favor by rejecting "Smalltimore". This is the one town I have a guaranteed audience and can make a little money back on it. At our sold-out screening at the Wind-Up Space on May 3, I collected enough money at the door to pay for my airfare and lodging to attend the Heart of England Film Festival in June. Had I been accepted by the MFF, I would not have had that private screening, would not have been able to afford to go to England. The other thing about the MFF, though it is becoming more prestigious every year and they bring some incredible films to Baltimore that we would not be likely to see otherwise - it is a non-competitive film festival. No prizes, no awards. The "Best Director," award I received at Indie Fest in California has already helped to open some doors for me. It also looks great on my resume and on the cover of the DVD!

Other rejections that I have not yet mentioned this year... I applied for the Brown Fellowship at the Bromo-Seltzer Tower. Every two years an artist is awarded a free two-year lease of a studio within the building. I really wanted that, it would have been great to have a real office and would have lent me a great deal of street cred. But, it was a very long shot, as they are really looking more for painters, sculptors, etc, who in some ways need the space more than someone like me. So I can live with that, and I didn't really expect to get it, though I tried hard anyway and I think I put in a good application.

More recently I found out that I did not win the Creative Alliance Movie Makers Fellowship. I knew I had a much better chance of getting this one. As it turns out, I did receive an Honorable Mention (and $100 gear rental credit), so that was cool. And I'll throw that on my resume also! I don't know who the fellowship went to, they haven't announced it yet, but I knew I would have some stiff competition and I am sure that whoever won it is very deserving. I will let you know who when I find out!

While it would have been AMAZING to be awarded one or both of these fellowships, either one would tie me down just a little bit to Baltimore. Right now I have zero strings attached, and I think that is the position that I need to be in, so that I can keep a very open mind to wherever my opportunities might lead me. Much like being rejected by the MFF, I think that in time, not winning these fellowships will prove to be a good thing for me, believe it or not.

Right this minute I am very excited because I am back in the thick of things, co-producing Steve Yeager's latest feature, "The Rosens." Steve invited me to be his co-producer back in August, but due to everyone's schedules, we haven't been able to shoot a lot since then, so I haven't been able to do much to earn the title. Steve and I often work the same way, i.e., trying to do everything ourselves for our own shoots, so I have been hammering at him lately to let me take things off his plate. I finally wedged that door open and now it seems the floodgates have opened! That's a good thing, I like it. I got an email from Steve, well, actually like six emails, detailing scheduling issues and a healthy list of locations needed tout de suite. I didn't read these emails until about midnight. WHich means I didn't get to sleep until after 5:00am because my brain wouldn't shut off. It is like he handed me a Rubik's Cube and I couldn't relax until I solved it. I figured out what to do for 3 of the 5 locations, and figured out how to totally scrap the fourth one. But the fifth one was driving me crazy, and it wasn't until after 4:00am I had a "eureka!" moment. I got out of bed and wrote down all the locations on the dry erase board on my fridge so I wouldn't forget them. Regardless of how hard I tried to turn my brain off, I spent the next hour doing blocking of the actors in my head and envisioning the camera angles to give the best production values. I dreamt about the production and continued working things out in my sleep, and I was still thinking about it when the dogs woke me up to be fed three hours later.

I talked to Steve today and we worked a bunch of things out. I should, in theory, be able to relax tonight at my friend's New Year's Eve party. Champagne does wonders for that.

Anyway... as I've said before, I always land on my feet. I have a few other irons in a few more fires that I can't tell you about yet, that might pull me, physically, away from Charm City. Though I grew up in the Pittsburgh area and later spent 10 years in D.C., it is Baltimore that is truly my home now. Not only because I made it my home, but because Baltimore made itself my home. It practically insisted. It won't be easy to leave, if I indeed do, but the good and bad thing about Baltimore, is that nothing much changes here. No one ever leaves entirely. And the best part is, is that I have created my own little time capsule in "Smalltimore," capturing my friends and the feelings I have about this city in a moving snapshot, for, as they say, posterity. So, farewell 2009, and thanks for the memories... and 2010: BRING IT! Can't wait to see what comes next!