A Good Problem to Have

[Jennifer Swartout portrays Janis Joplin in the movie short, "Janis." Go to the Facebook page "Steel Corset Productions" for details and find out where and when YOU can see it!]

Hey there... another long spell of not blogging... I know, I suck, but it is just that I have been so crazy busy I have had no time or energy to write. But I really DO want to keep you in the loop! So please join me on my new Facebook page, STEEL CORSET PRODUCTIONS ( http://www.facebook.com/pages/Baltimore-MD/Steel-Corset-Productions/169509529729209?ref=ts ).

There, in the soundbite style we have all become accustomed/addicted to, you can find out exactly what I am/have been/will be up to, and find out in a way timely enough so that you may actually attend some of these events instead of just hearing about the aftermath! Also I will be posting there whenever people like extras, interns, or production assistants are needed, so if you have always wanted to work on a movie set you will likely soon have the opportunity. I will also list calls for crew and actor auditions there, for my own projects as well as my filmmaker friends.

I'm going to try to be a better twitterer, too, but no promises there.

But become a fan ("like") Steel Corset Productions ASAP, because things are happening! Tomorrow night is the premiere screening of, "Lamplight," at the Wind-up Space, where you will also be able to see the very first teaser/trailer for Chris Lamartina's "Witch's Brew." And if you see a young woman that looks like a pretty version of Janis Joplin, that is my friend Jen Swartout who indeed portrays Janis Joplin in a short we collaborated on this summer that will be screening soon at the Creative Alliance. So, in a nutshell that is tomorrow night, you can see the fruits of my summer of labor. But you need to go to the Facebook page to get all the details, because it is a lot of info and, as usual, I am exhausted!

P.S. this does NOT mean I am completely abandoning the blog! I will post a link to it on the SCP Facebook page whenever I make a new post. I am heading to the Poconos for several days, so I very well may have some time to write!

Back to Basics

[Me and my best friend from high school, Lauren, on our last adventure to the Football Hall of Fame, August 2009]

Man, I am wiped out. In the past 35 days, I have been on the set ten days on "Lamplight," including an overnight trip to Bethany Beach, 1 day on "The Rosens," 6 days on "Rock Creek," in D.C. (so add 3 hours of commuting time to each of those days), taught my Pre-Production class at the Creative Alliance, hosted the April Cinelounge meeting also at Creative Alliance, had two yard sales, read and reviewed a feature-length script for Michelle, and had a meeting with my friend Jen Swartout about a short she wants to do. And probably some other stuff I am forgetting. Good thing I am unemployed at the moment. Who has time for a job?

Have several meetings lined up in the next couple days, hopefully one or two that might lead to some paying gigs this summer. Baltimore does not seem quite ready to let me go yet. To make matters better/worse/more complicated, I keep meeting/working with cool people on the set that make me want to stay in the area so I can work on projects with them.

Of course, "Lamplight," as I have already told you, has been a blast, and we are not quite through yet. Have another day on the set with Jason Koch and the like on Tuesday, and another trip to the beach next month when Johnny Alonso is back in town. Jason and another person I met on his set, Mauricio Osorio, were kind enough to volunteer to work a few days in D.C. on my friend Mark Aguirre's project, "Rock Creek". It was great on those days to have someone with me on the long, irritating drive to and from D.C. I can't believe people do that commute every day! We saw so many car accidents, and Thursday night when Jason was with me we had to drive back in a torrential downpour. Jason and I have become great friends and we talk all the time now, and already have talked about working on several new projects together in the next few months. It has been fun getting to know Mauricio better also. He has had footage for a fantastic documentary in the can for several years now, and I am lighting a fire under him to get it finished. I am hoping he'll have a short or a trailer ready for the May Cinelounge, I'll tell you more about that as it comes together, but I am very anxious to see him finish it, I think it is going to be beautiful.

On the set of "Rock Creek," I have met even more folks that I want to work with again, namely Rob Benica (DP), Chip Burden (sound), and Jae Shim (grip/PA). Mark (writer/director) really challenged himself and the crew with this piece, we had a lot of locations, including federal parks, which are always a pain because you have no choice but to do things by the book, and some scenes that take place at Christmas so there was loads of set dressing. By our last day of shooting (though we have one pick-up day to go) on Friday, we were all getting a bit punchy, and since the actors had to do wardrobe and make-up in a separate location, it was more hurry-up-and-wait than usual. Most of the day we were in Rock Creek Park, which was lovely, if chilly, so sometimes it was myself and four guys sitting in Rob's car waiting for Mark to get back with the actors. Peppered in with the usual movie talk (comparing favorite flicks and arguing about best/worst films ever), the guys exchanged anecdotes about masturbation and who their first wet dream was about. Most of the time I enjoy being the only (or one of the few) women on a crew. Sometimes, not so much.

I wasn't really offended, though I stopped them before we got to that point. They are good guys and we had fun. At the beginning of the day, Rob told me that my job was to remind him to put the polarizing lens on the camera before we started shooting. Since I am not really a camera person, and I was likely to forget this, I wrote it on the palm of my hand. Somehow this turned into a "thing". Every once in awhile I would flash the palm of my hand at Rob, and he would shout out, "POLARIZEEEEER!!!" in this high-pitched voice. Just one of those stupid-funny things that evolve on a set when you need to distract and entertain yourselves, especially when things get stressful. It even made Mark laugh after the park police came by and kicked us out after threatening to arrest us because our permit had expired.

I am a little frustrated because of the three projects I have been working on, none of them is quite wrapped, and I really want to put them all to bed and move on. "Rock Creek," has a day left, "Lamplight" has 2 or 3 short days, and "The Rosens," probably has a solid 4 or 5 days of shooting to get everything in the can. Pile on top of that that I have to move at the end of the month and have had no time to myself or time to really pack because I've been so busy on these projects, and I am a bit stressed out. But, relief is on the way. Thursday I am heading to Pennsyltucky to visit my Mom and to drop off some things at her place that she is going to store for me, and then I am kidnapping one of my best friends, Lauren, to go up to Mikey's cabin for the weekend. I need to take some things up to Mikey's for storage also, but mostly I just need some distance from my life so I can get some perspective on everything. I am feeling a bit muddled at the moment.

Right now it is looking like, once I vacate my apartment at the end of the month, I am going to stay at the cabin for about 6 weeks, but come back to Baltimore several times to finish up some projects and to spend my birthday with my friends. I'm still in Baltimore the first week of May, though, as I will be hosting Cinelounge again so I am crashing at my friend Elizabeth's for a few days. I don't know if I am going to hang around for the Maryland Film Festival or not. I want to and I should, but I guess I will play that by ear. I am anxious to get to the cabin and clear my head. This weekend there with Lauren will dust away some of the cobwebs, but it is also about catching up with her and having fun, giving her a break from her daily responsibilities of house/husband/kids, not time totally to myself, which I will very much be in need of by next month.

It seems I will be working on a one-day shoot with my friend Jen Swartout around June 6, and my friend Ronnie Goodwin from Glasgow will be in NYC on June 2, with his short titled, "Shooter," in a film festival up there, so I want to go to NYC again to catch him there (I am going to NYC this month also, to see Bentley's piece in a group exhibit called "Dead or Alive" at the Museum of Art & Design). But I think New York is going to have to wait a little longer for me. After Jen's shoot, I am still determined to take my cross-country road trip. Depending on if/when the paying gigs this summer start will determine how long the trip will be and when I need to return to Charm City. I am hoping that they will carry me through September, then at the end of that month I am going back to the Outer Banks for a week with the same friends I traveled with last year. Last night I handed my friend Alvina the $500 I made from my yard sales, so that even if I am living in a cardboard box by then, I am going on vacation at the end of September!

So long story short, absolutely nothing is in stone, and I am not really worried about it. I am looking forward to having all my wordly belongings packed up in a POD and spirited away, and only having my dogs and a couple suitcases of clothing to worry about. Right now I am feeling every ounce of my possessions weighing on my shoulders. I just want them to be away from me so I can concentrate on what will truly make me happy. I am always pretty happy, but I feel like I am about to experience a sense of freedom that I have never fully felt before, and I am anxious to get on with it. I am also very much looking forward to my weekend at my dear friend Mikey's cabin in the Poconos with my dear friend Lauren. Like I've said before, it is a good reminder to me that if you love someone and they love you, geography doesn't mean a thing. C'est vrai.

Warding Off the PPD

[Driving around Lake Harmony last autumn, likely my temporary home in May]

It is 11:05p.m. on a Monday night, and I didn't have to be anywhere or do anything film-related today, and other than making a couple phone calls and/or emails, I don't have to do anything film-related tomorrow, either. It is quiet as a tomb (if a tomb had two little dogs sniffing around, and was located on a rather busy Baltimore street) in my apartment. It is nice. I got the whole way through a movie ("Stranger Than Fiction") without the phone ringing once or even beeping with a text message. Ah, bliss.

But it won't last for long - the quiet, not the bliss. Bliss comes in many forms, for a Gemini like myself. Wednesday I am finally back on the set with Steve Yeager's project, "The Rosens", filming in Towson Diner and Bel-Loc Diner. Should be good. Thursday and Friday, filming in D.C. on a new short written and directed by my friend Mark Aguirre, called, "Rock Creek". It is good to stay busy, though after "Rock Creek," wraps, I can't take on any other film projects until I move at the end of April. I have too much to do.

We wrapped principle photography on "Lamplight" Sunday night. It was bittersweet, at least to me, but I think to most everyone actually. We had a really good cast and crew, everyone got along beautifully and we had a lot of fun. We have a few more pick-ups, but we can only do one scene now, have to wait for Johnny Alonso to get back into town, probably in May, to finish the other shots. He is busy on several different projects all over the world (literally) between now and then, mostly with his television show "NASA 360" which airs on the Discovery Channel.

After knowing Johnny peripherally for a couple years (we know lots of the same people, but had never really worked together, just run into each other at various screenings) not only do we get to work on a set, but we get to be in a scene together, which we shot last night. Speaking as an A.D., Johnny is a total pro and a pleasure to work with, but speaking as a non-actor who had to act in a scene with him, I can't even explain to you how many extra miles he goes for the scene, and for the people he is working with. What am I talking about? Of course I can! That's what I do!

As I have said before, I am not an actor, but taking on a small role now and then helps to keep me on my toes and helps me to be a better director by putting myself in the actor's shoes. My role(s) in "Lamplight," however, were the first time that I was not playing myself or a character based on myself. It was concurrently more fun and more nerve-wracking that way.

I had three scenes total, two as the lead character Perry's mother in flashback scenes, which we shot earlier in production. In those scenes it was a very small set, and I was fairly comfortable though still a little nervous. We shot one scene Saturday night that was a hoot in some ways and horrifying in others. The horrifying part was that I had to say mean things about a little boy, and that really was not easy at all, but Jason walked me through it beautifully. The fun part was that I got to be in a scene with Regina Guy (now we have starred in two movies together, this and "The Red-Headed Menace"!), and also this hilarious, pure(in?)bred Baltimorean named Butchie. Zinnia Films made a documentary about Butchie called, "Southside Survivor," that hopefully will be screening within the year. I've seen some clips and it is fantastic. It was a treat to meet Butchie and play opposite him, even just for a couple lines. He had me and Regina laughing so hard it was difficult to do the serious part of the scene after he left, but we managed. Butchie (and a 6-pack of Natty Boh, and a couple shots of Amaretto) helped me to relax and I think I did all right.

During my close-up, at the end of one of the takes, I was laughing. I was a little bit drunk at this point, if I am to be honest. I told Jason way back in January after I read the script for the first time, that if it was all right with him, I'd rather actually be drinking than trying to act drunk, as I don't trust my skills that much yet. In the script there is some flashback stuff where the mother is laughing and I knew we would have to do that at some point. It is so hard to fake laugh without it seeming fake! But at the end of this particular take, I was really laughing, and Regina was sitting across the table from me. The camera was close on me, so it didn't matter what she did, she just couldn't make any noise. I knew if I kept it going, honestly laughing, that Jason would let me roll with it and then I wouldn't have to fake it later and have it be awful. Me laughing was causing Regina to laugh but she had to stifle it, which made me laugh even harder... which made her want to laugh even harder, which made me laugh even more than that, which made everyone in the room have to control themselves from laughing, which made me laugh so hard and so long before Jason finally yelled, "CUT!" that I am sure my face was turning red and I was breaking into a sweat. I even had a bit of a head rush and had a headache for a few minutes.

I don't know how it looks because I don't want to see it for awhile, and I especially did not want to see myself on camera before gearing up to do the scene with Johnny yesterday. Very rarely does any good come out of showing the actors their dailies (footage) before production is wrapped, in my opinion. If an actor asked me to see their footage, I would say no, so I was not about to break my own rules and ask to see it. Even when Dave was playing back some of it on his Macbook Pro the next day, I walked away so I couldn't see it. But I could hear them playing the part where I was laughing, and at least it sounded authentic, which it damn well should have! I almost busted a blood vessel!

Anyway, in my scene with Johnny, I play a bar owner that reminds him of his mom and he loses his shit on me. He blew up at me and it was great, and for his close-ups he looked totally insane. I think he freaked some of the extras out. When it came time for my close-ups, we did it once with Johnny feeding me his lines and it felt pretty good but I could feel myself anticipating too much and I was afraid it didn't look great. Plus, because of where the camera was, Johnny couldn't actually sit in front of me, so I had to look where he had been sitting and pretend I was looking into his crazy eyes like I was in the wide shot, even though he was standing a foot to the right of that spot. For the second take, I asked Johnny, I told him I needed him to really flip on me to get a real reaction, because this just isn't what I do. Johnny is always conscientious of the other actors in his scenes so I knew he would only take it as far as he thought I was comfortable with (which was still pretty far), but I also knew if I gave him license to totally freak on me he would bring it. He screamed at me like a maniac, and afterwards Jason said my reactions looked great. He honestly did shake me up a bit.

But now it is over, pretty much. It is good to have other projects in the wings, to ease me out of production mode day by day over the next two weeks, but "Lamplight" was really special, even to the point of me second-guessing myself about where I am going and what I am doing. Now I have even more, new, friends telling me they don't want me to move away, or telling me they are sad that I will be moving so soon after meeting me... and maybe even some who won't bother getting to know me better because I will be leaving so soon. It is only to New York, I tell them. It's really not that far.

That is what I have to keep telling myself, too. Damn my Gemini self. One part of me can't wait to launch a new adventure. My other internal half is hoping that something or someone will make it impossible to leave. I don't want to cop out due to my fears, and I do have some. I am starting to remember how I felt when I first came to Baltimore, not knowing one single person here, and leaving an incredible, tightly-knit group of friends behind in D.C. My first six months in Baltimore were excruciatingly lonely, and many nights I laid in bed wondering if I had made the biggest mistake in my life. There was nothing terrible in D.C., nothing that drove me out of there. I missed my friends so much sometimes it made me physically ill. But moving to Baltimore, did, in fact, turn out to be one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

Well, we shall see what happens. Nothing is in stone. But... I can't wimp out, either. I couldn't face myself if I felt I was wimping out. I am feeling very confused at the moment, and I am certain that Post-Production Depression is playing a part in that confusion. I have plans to go up to Mikey's cabin one weekend next month. I have to first drive to my hometown to bring some stuff to my Mom's for her to store for me. Then I am going to snag my best friend from high school, Lauren, and take her to the cabin with me, to get us each a weekend away from our respective responsibilities, as well as some fun time together, which we haven't had since last August. I think it will help me put things in perspective. Being at Lake Harmony always helps me to sweep the cobwebs and confusion from my brain, and at this crossroads in my life, I think it is most appropriate that Lauren come along for the ride, and even more appropriate that this getaway take place at Mikey's cabin. I have known Lauren for almost three decades; I have known Mikey for almost two. For all but a few years of that time, I have not lived in the same area as either one of them, but they are and I am certain shall remain for the rest of our lives, two of my very, very closest friends. I know what I want and I need to make some decisions about where the best place is for me to be, geographically speaking, to get it. I have to trust that a little thing like geography won't interfere with my personal relationships. They might take a little extra effort, but it IS only New York.

Not So Ready for My Close-Up (but doing it anyway...)

[The glamorous life of an indie film director - Jason Koch dresses his own set for "Lamplight"]

Ten hours on the set Sunday, filming in Muggsy's Bar in Federal Hill. A long day, but a lot of fun. I brought in my favorite All Stars - Regina Guy, Unique Dowtin, and Joey "SuperJoe" Kasura. Put them together with Jason and Dave and their crew plus Johnny Alonso and superb cast... we couldn't have had a bad day if we tried. Knock on wood!

It was one of our longest and toughest days, so nice to get it out of the way early on. Shot some more on Monday, on our main set/studio with a smaller crew and cast. First we shot Gideon, our youngest cast member, DP Dave Morley's four year old son. He did a great job and he is absolutely adorable. Then we shot my first scene - I am actually in the movie. I think it went well, Jason seemed happy and we only ran it a few times. When I first got to the set, Jason laughed and said, "I've never seen you so dressed down!" which was actually a (back-handed) compliment because I was supposed to look rather white trash-y. One of the reasons I agreed to do the role was because (a) it was small, and (b) it is a dual role - I get to play two characters. When I was little, my favorite reruns - weren't they everyone's? - of "Bewitched," and "I Dream of Jeannie," were the ones where Elizabeth Montgomery and Barbara Eden played their own evil cousin/sister.

I would say this was my fourth time on camera in a role, and it is getting a little easier each time, though I would not go so far as to say that I love it. I find it more interesting than anything, and a learning experience that definitely makes me a better director. I have a great deal of respect for actors, even though I am still not certain that I will ever understand why the people who do it love it so much. I would like to understand that, truly. But though I have a lot of friends who are actors, I think at our respective cores we are very different people and I don't know that I will ever totally "get" it. I guess that is why they do what they do and I do what I do. Even though I don't understand every little aspect, it is still an enjoyable and symbiotic experience.

I will say that I was glad to get my scene over with early in the day, when it was just me, (Director) Jason, (DP) Dave, and Brendan (sound) on the set. I looked like a bum and my hair was awful. But that was part of the challenge of it, to swallow my pride and have this image of me, far from my finest, recorded for posterity, not to mention all time. I have been in the situation as a director more than once where one of my actors is having a hard time because they don't want to play the fool or look unattractive, as if the audience would believe that that is really who they are and they will be branded for life. But some of it is an ego thing and they simply do not want to look bad on camera. By doing it myself, now I know how it feels and how better to work with actors when I need to convince them to play their role more convincingly. I think it is really a challenge and I can't wait to see the final product. I didn't ask to see the dailies (today's footage), I knew I would cringe at how I looked. When Dave was setting up the shot I could see him filming me from the most unflattering angle possible so I asked Jason to turn the monitor so I couldn't see it. It was very hard not to put in my two cents and ask him to shoot from a different angle, but then I would be breaking one of my own hard and fast rules on the set: do your job, and only your job. If you are an actor, act. Don't tell the cameraperson or the director how they should do their job. An actor on my set who would do that would get the Look of Death from me in the blink of an eye. I had to follow my own rule.

I have to look crappy and tacky in another scene as the same character, and be mean and heartless, but in a third scene I get to look more myself, and slightly less mean and heartless, even though I cause another character to have a mental meltdown. Can't wait!

And We're Rolling!

[Me having a fake fight with Director Jason Koch on Day 1 of shooting in Ocean City. DP Dave Morley has dubbed us, "Bad Cop, Worse Cop." Guess which one I am? Photo by Johnny Alonso.]

Hurray! It is good to be back on the set. Especially when being on the set includes spending a night at my Uncle Paul's in Bethany Beach so that we could be in Ocean City semi-bright & early. Jason and I went out Wednesday night, DP Dave Morley and our lead Johnny Alonso met us in Ocean City at 9:00am Thursday. We shot for a couple hours, just moody stuff of Johnny by himself on the beach. It was pretty cool being in Ocean City while it was a ghost town.

Had some lunch then our convoy dispersed to reassemble 3 hours later at Gunpowder Falls near Baltimore for more shots of Johnny alone, but this time in the woods. We were done before 5:00pm. Maryland is such a great place to make a movie. We have it all - beach, woods, mountains, city, farmland, the bay... pretty much everything but desert!

I have to make this short because I should have already put out call sheets for Monday and Wednesday. There are only a few of us on those days, but tomorrow is a big shooting day at a bar in Federal Hill, and I don't think we have enough extras so I better get to work. My first week of unemployment and I am busier than I have been in months! And happier, too.

Ya Give Me Fever...

[Many Baltimore roads and sidewalks are impassable, but when I really needed to shake off the cabin fever, I knew Dougherty's would not let me down. This passageway to their door was cut through a hard packed snowplow pile that was easily three feet tall and six feet from street to sidewalk. Because this is Baltimore, and that's how we roll.]

And more flakes are falling, even as I write this! Though relatively speaking, this is supposedly going to just be "a dusting". We'll see. Even the forecasters are admitting this thing could go either way and they have no idea how much we will get.

All I can say is, thank goodness for neighbors with four-wheel drive. Thank goodness for neighbors, period! One of the many things I love about this town. See, this is my car (a.k.a. C.K. Dexter Haven) at the moment:

Poor Dexter. I miss him. I put the cover on him before the first big storm and haven't seen him since. What was that, two weeks ago? I have lost all track of time. I was doing just fine, had plenty of "supplies", but I was down to the last can of dog food for each of my dogs. So neighbor Pete drove me to the vet for Max's food and the pet store for Timmy's food. Pete even drove me to my hair appointment in Fells Point yesterday, when I couldn't get a cab. Though I guess I will have to find one to and from my class at the Creative Alliance tomorrow night.

Later this week I am going to New York for a couple days, to see some friends and to (bump, bump, BAAAAAAHHH!!!!) take the written test for the Director's Guild of America Assistant Directors Training Program. Which happens to be taking place ONE BLOCK from where a good friend of mine lives, so I will be able to (in theory) get an extra hour of sleep. I have to be there at SEVEN A.M. Ouch. Though my dogs have me up that early all the time. But once I feed them they often let me go back to sleep.

Not so this Saturday. Again, thank goodness for neighbors, as other neighbors, my dogs' "Uncles" Phil & Ron will be taking care of my guys while I am in NYC taking this test. It is 4 to 5 hours long! I'm not scared, though. Writing is my thing, and I've always tested well. Still, the content is unknown and there is no way to study for it. They say it is mostly problem-solving. That is also what I do. I can't wait, actually! I am FAR more excited than I am nervous. I'll be very interested to see the mix of people taking the test. They say that about 300 people apply to the New York Program each year and they only accept 5 to 7. I don't know how many people they cut just from the application stage, but that step was my biggest concern, actually, and I am past that at least.

The snow was kind of stressing me out, though, only in that it might impede me from actually getting to New York. I had planned on taking the Bolt bus, which leaves a few blocks away from my house and would be $40 round trip maximum. But last week I decided I just coudn't chance it, so I shelled out almost 3 times that much, $115, for a train ticket. I prefer traveling by train, But I'd even more prefer having that extra $75 in my pocket, especially as I have less than two weeks left of gainful employment. But I cannot take the slightest chance of not making it to this test.

That's really all I have to say about that for now, though. I'm not the type to wring my hands over, "what if it doesn't happen? What if I don't get in?" The only thing I can do about it is to do my best, and let the cards fall where they may.

In other movie news, there are a couple of indie screenings in town that I am very excited about. Tonight, as a matter of fact, Regina Guy dies a horrible death in the local indie horror, "President's Day," at the Charles Theater, 7:30pm. The only thing Regina likes better than being onscreen is being killed onscreen. I've seen some of the movie stills... and I think I am going to be watching a great deal of this movie from between my fingers, with my hands over my eyes. Next week, "Heaven Burns," is screening in Towson. I know a bunch of people who worked on that and I have heard great things, so I am very excited to check that out also.

The horror short I am working on with Zinnia Films will be kicking off soon, though we have to postpone shooting the exteriors for obvious reasons, not the least of which is, there is no place to park in this town! Side streets where it is legal to park are a mess, and for now it is still illegal to park on the main corridors because it is still a Snow Emergency. They towed 15 to 20 cars off my block of Calvert Street last night, starting at midnight. Bet there were a lot of ticked off people this morning.

It is almost a good thing I will be unemployed in March, because between Jason's (Zinnia Films) movie (10-12 shooting days, including about 48 hours in Bethany/Ocean City), Steve Yeager's movie (probably 6-7 shooting days), teaching my pre-production class at the Creative Alliance on Saturday, March 27th, and attending the Stonehenge auditions in D.C. (shooting schedules permitting) on March 28th, I might have only 9 or so days that I am not committed to something. Plus two other people's projects that I might get involved with on top of those. Oh, well, it should keep me out of trouble at least. Yea, right.

Tune in next week to hear about my jaunt to the Big Apple! Drive safely!

Ready For My Close-Up... Ish.

I have no movie-related photos, per se, for you, but I hate to post without pics. And the above is a very rare cute pic of one of my dogs, Timmy, a.k.a. Baby Boy. Tim is very camera shy and most often comes across looking extremely stressed out, for example:

Poor Timbuktu. I know how he feels. People who consider themselves to be a director, or at a minimum consider themselves to NOT be an actor, often have varying degrees of stage fright themselves, and I am no exception.

A friend of mine in Paris, Jerome, is an award-winning director who refuses to even allow a photo of himself to be taken. When I was making the short, "The Red-Headed Menace," Michelle, who is used to being behind the camera instead of in front of it, proved to need more coddling (well, perhaps, "threatening" would be more accurate in her case) than the children on the set. She was truly uncomfortable, though she pulled it off in the end and I have received many compliments from people who know her well on how natural her performance came across.

I have been on camera a grand total of three times. The first was in the preliminary trailer for Charm City/Smalltimore (click on the YouTube link at the top of the sidebar on the right and you can check out my debut for yourself) that was made waaaay back in December 2007, eight months before we actually started filming Smalltimore. I was more or less playing myself in three scenes, 2 of 3 with another actor who was a good friend and with whom I was very comfortable. The big factor, however, was that my friend Sean Stanley was directing the scenes, and I felt very comfortable doing whatever he told me to do. Okay, maybe "comfortable" isn't the right word, but I trusted him, and more importantly, I respected him and didn't want to screw up in front of him or waste his or the crew's time. It is not easy for someone, especially someone who is used to being the person in charge, to surrender themselves to someone else. That is what acting is, handing yourself over, and I have a great deal of respect for actors. I think it is important for a director to put her/himself in their shoes once in awhile.

The second time I was in front of a camera was in November of 2008, when I took Steve Yeager's Acting for the Camera seminar at the Creative Alliance. Talk about nerve-wracking. Each of the six students in the class were given a different monologue, each selected by Steve, to memorize in one week before our next class. If I remember correctly, mine was almost FOUR minutes long, That is an eternity, and a lot to memorize. I wish I could remember the play it is from, I'll have to ask Steve. But the gist of it was, I think, that a rather shy and sheltered rural housewife tries, clumsily at first, to seduce a young man who is in her house to repair her bedframe. I worked very hard to memorize this enormous chunk of dialogue. We also had to figure out all on our own, with no direction, what our body language, movements, and facial expressions would be. I studied the script and worked on it while I was drying my hair, doing dishes, taking a shower, whenever I could.

The day came and my heart was beating out of control from the moment I got up, just thinking about it. I had to deliver this monologue, standing in front of the camera by myself, while Steve stood in front of me behind the camera and my five classmates sat on the sidelines. I felt my face flush, feeling them staring at me, sort of seeing them in my peripheral vision.

"Aaaand, ACTION."

The great and perfect thing about the piece (which was actually very strange, and I don't think I even really understood it until I had read it a million times and had it fully committed to memory), was that the character starts off, in my interpretation anyway, quite timid and nervous but by the end of the piece has gathered confidence. And that is how it played out as I recited it. I was a WRECK to start off with, my stomach seized up tight like a fist, my knees wobbly. I could hear my voice shaking. I was terrified that halfway through I would blank out, or just look like a deer in headlights. But it worked for the piece. She was supposed to be unsure of herself. By the time I got halfway through, almost two whole minutes, I realized that I wasn't going to forget anything, and I could tell by the look on Steve's face that I was doing fine with my physical presentation as well. And I could tell by the complete lack of movement in my peripheral vision, and occasional laughter in the right spots, that I had the full attention of my classmates. As I ramped up towards the end, the character talks in an extremely sensual manner about the experience of opening a can of tuna fish. I was extremely NOT comfortable delivering this part of the speech, but it is like karaoke, or wearing a hat - it is all or nothing. If you don't belt out the song or have a little swagger in your step, you are going to look like an idiot. Better to only feel like an idiot, but look like you know what you are doing. I stared a hole through the camera and made sure that anyone on the receiving end knew that even though I was talking about a can of tuna fish, I was unmistakably NOT talking about tuna fish at all.

"Aaaand, CUT!"

I got a round of applause, and one of the guys in the class exhaled sharply and claimed that he would never look at a can of tuna fish in quite the same way.

The third time on camera was, of course, in "The Red-Headed Menace," this time definitely me playing me. Which is just about the hardest thing an actor can be asked to do, let alone a non-actor. Add to that pressure the fact that this was the largest set, almost 50 people, that I had ever brought together, and I am trying to direct myself, Michelle, and Craig Herron - the three of us all non-actors who are usually only behind the scenes - all in the same scene. These were my cast, my crew, and I am their director. Throwing myself into this fire was an opportunity to gain a deeper respect from them (and for them), or to lose any and all respect from them that I had already built up. It all turned out all right. Really good, actually. But that's the beauty of filmmaking - you will never see the terrible takes that came before the one decent one!

So, anyway... as I have recently mentioned, I am going to have a small role in an upcoming horror short, written and directed by Jason Koch, by Zinnia Films. I barely know Jason, but I can gauge pretty quickly how I am going to get along with people, and if I didn't like him (and the script) and trust him right off the bat, I most likely would have turned it down. If I had to read against someone else for the part I probably wouldn't have done it either. I am not an actor, so I would (a) just assume that almost any actor could beat me out for it, and (b) if I were any good I'd feel guilty taking a part away from an actual actor.

Though he has a great deal of experience within the industry, this is Jason's first creative piece that he is writing and directing himself, and I feel as strongly about not letting him down as I did about not falling on my face in front of Sean, Steve, or my own cast and crew. I'm excited. It's going to be fine. It's going to be more than fine. Stand back - I am going to nail this.

Girl's Night, Games, & Gore

[Yes, that is crispy BACON topping the maple cream cheese icing on the maple bacon cupcakes that my friend Alvina brought over to Ladies' Independent Movie night at my place. If it weren't for men, and not being able to afford fitting my butt into anything other than coach class, I would eat these things EVERY DAY.]

Last Saturday night I had five of my female friends over for a Ladies' Indie Film Evening. We watched my friend Adam Bronstein's "My Movie Girl," and I'd say it was a hit with the crowd. In addition to writing and directing the film, Adam also was the lead. One of my friends, Elizabeth, had met Adam when he visited me a couple months ago. I think it is always extra cool to see people you know in the movies, and I think Elizabeth enjoyed the movie a little bit extra.

Monday, I finally, at the last possible minute of course, sent my application to the Director's Guild of America (DGA) Assistant Director Training Program in New York City. I can't even begin to explain to you how badly I want this. I was working on the set of, "The Rosens," last spring, and the gaffer/grip Grey Adkins told me about the program on our lunch break. It sounded far too good to be true. It is a two-year program, there is no tuition cost to the trainee, AND they give you health insurance while you are in the program. What's the catch? It is very stiff competition. Out of 250-300 applicants each year, they only accept 5 to 7. If you get past the application step, you have to go to NYC to take a written test in February. If you get past that, you go back in April for in-person interview(s). And if you get past THAT, you go back again in May for another, final in-person interview. If you are one of the very few they finally select, the program begins in mid-June and lasts for two years.

So now, we play The Waiting Game... I hate The Waiting Game.

The things Grey told me were true - no tuition, yes to insurance. In addition to that, the program is in large part on the job training. I would SO much rather be doing that than sitting in a classroom, so that was good news to me. They farm you out to film and television productions, and while you are working on the set, you get paid. I think it must be operated sort of like a temp agency. It's not a regular check, since sometimes you are on the set and sometimes not, so you'd have to get a part-time job to make ends meet in the Big Apple. Upon successfully completing the two-year program, you can join the union as a 2nd Assistant Director.

Everything about this program sounds like it is perfectly suited to me and what I want to do. By no means do I think I am a shoo-in, but I do believe I have as good a chance as anyone. Moving to New York would be a big deal, but I have been visualizing it for awhile now, and getting excited about it. To the point that I may do it whether I get into the program or not. Pleeeeeease don't think that I am anxious to leave Baltimore. If you've read much of my blog(s), let alone seen "Smalltimore," I hope you know how much I love this city. I don't think I could ever be the kind of person to say of any single place, though, "This is where I am going to spend the rest of my life." I'm a Gemini. That's how we do.

And speaking of my dual nature, I am super-stoked to tell you that it looks like I am going to have a (very) small part(s) in an upcoming horror short by Zinnia Films. Jason Koch is the writer/director. I met him at Cinelounge at the Creative Alliance. He had seen me in "The Red-Headed Menace" and the preliminary trailer for Charm City/Smalltimore and asked if I would do this little part. It is not many lines, which is good for me, but the really cool thing is, it is a dual role, so I get to play two completely different people. This to me makes it waaaay more fun than just doing a little part, which would probably just rack my nerves. It is actually a lot more about how I look than about the dialogue, so I can focus on that and not be so nervous. And also I won't have much responsibility on the set, so for once maybe I will be privy to all the behind the scenes gossip and drama, since I won't be the one in charge!

I have no aspirations at this late date to become an actor, but doing something small like this once in awhile, I believe, helps me to be a better director. It also builds my confidence, as I honestly find it quite scary, and it not so much forces me out of my comfort zone as it CATAPULTS me. I just met Jason, really, but I was comfortable with him right away and I am looking forward to working with him. I had a chance to see some shorts that Zinnia Films has done. They were very professional, I especially liked "Yard Sale." They have a good reputation, and one thing always leads to another. It is in pre-pro now, shooting in March-April. Can't wait to get on a new set! Even though I may end up covered in blood!