DUDE...

"DUDE...," as I have come to know this phrase, is short for, "DUDE, you don't even KNOW..." Which is pretty much how I would describe my life to just about anyone these days.

I had a late lunch with the Director I am currently working with, Chris Lamartina. I got called, "Dude," quite a bit during that conversation. With most people of the opposite sex, I have a problem if they call me, "dude". But for Chris, I understand. I've been working with him for for about a month now on the set, and there are different inflections of dude-ism with him. Sometimes it means, "Really, dude, what the hell?!" Sometimes it means, "Dude, just work with me." And sometimes it means, "Dude, I'm pretty sure you know what I am talking about." For the most part, with me, I think so anyway, I get the latter.

Currently I am working as Assistant Director on Chris' latest flick, "Witch's Brew". I am having an absolute blast. I want to tell you all about it, and all about the half dozen other projects I am involved in at the moment, but honestly, I am just so frickin' EXHAUSTED. So that, being exhausted as a direct result of being busy, is why I am, at the moment, a horrible blogger. A good problem to have, methinks.

The bottom line, which I hope to have time to tell you more about, soon, is that I feel like things are working out the way I had hoped, and that my personal and professional investments are paying off. I can honestly refer to myself as a freelance filmmaker now.

There are some realities about that that are not so convenient, like not having health insurance. Sunday night on the set, I grabbed a piece of caramel candy from the craft services table. That 5 cent pice of candy cost me $120, after it pulled out a dental crown. But, whatever, things happen.

The larger picture is that I am... poor...ish... but ridiculously happy. I am not even exaggerating. DUDE. I mean, you can do things that pay the bills; you can do things that suit you; and you can do what you were meant to do. It does not bother me that I am finding out now that I should be doing this. I am not sure I would have been able to do it earlier in my life.

But seriously, Dude. I went out for dinner with friends tonight, and a few martinis later I am a bit loopy. Glad I could make a short post (I have been feeling guilty about it), but would love to chat more when I have the time as well as the cognitive fortitude. I don't expect you to stay sharply tuned, when I slag off and only post every once in a blue moon. But I will let you know if I ever intend to abandon it completely, so until then, check in with me once in awhile!

Toodles,
JC

Not So Ready for My Close-Up (but doing it anyway...)

[The glamorous life of an indie film director - Jason Koch dresses his own set for "Lamplight"]

Ten hours on the set Sunday, filming in Muggsy's Bar in Federal Hill. A long day, but a lot of fun. I brought in my favorite All Stars - Regina Guy, Unique Dowtin, and Joey "SuperJoe" Kasura. Put them together with Jason and Dave and their crew plus Johnny Alonso and superb cast... we couldn't have had a bad day if we tried. Knock on wood!

It was one of our longest and toughest days, so nice to get it out of the way early on. Shot some more on Monday, on our main set/studio with a smaller crew and cast. First we shot Gideon, our youngest cast member, DP Dave Morley's four year old son. He did a great job and he is absolutely adorable. Then we shot my first scene - I am actually in the movie. I think it went well, Jason seemed happy and we only ran it a few times. When I first got to the set, Jason laughed and said, "I've never seen you so dressed down!" which was actually a (back-handed) compliment because I was supposed to look rather white trash-y. One of the reasons I agreed to do the role was because (a) it was small, and (b) it is a dual role - I get to play two characters. When I was little, my favorite reruns - weren't they everyone's? - of "Bewitched," and "I Dream of Jeannie," were the ones where Elizabeth Montgomery and Barbara Eden played their own evil cousin/sister.

I would say this was my fourth time on camera in a role, and it is getting a little easier each time, though I would not go so far as to say that I love it. I find it more interesting than anything, and a learning experience that definitely makes me a better director. I have a great deal of respect for actors, even though I am still not certain that I will ever understand why the people who do it love it so much. I would like to understand that, truly. But though I have a lot of friends who are actors, I think at our respective cores we are very different people and I don't know that I will ever totally "get" it. I guess that is why they do what they do and I do what I do. Even though I don't understand every little aspect, it is still an enjoyable and symbiotic experience.

I will say that I was glad to get my scene over with early in the day, when it was just me, (Director) Jason, (DP) Dave, and Brendan (sound) on the set. I looked like a bum and my hair was awful. But that was part of the challenge of it, to swallow my pride and have this image of me, far from my finest, recorded for posterity, not to mention all time. I have been in the situation as a director more than once where one of my actors is having a hard time because they don't want to play the fool or look unattractive, as if the audience would believe that that is really who they are and they will be branded for life. But some of it is an ego thing and they simply do not want to look bad on camera. By doing it myself, now I know how it feels and how better to work with actors when I need to convince them to play their role more convincingly. I think it is really a challenge and I can't wait to see the final product. I didn't ask to see the dailies (today's footage), I knew I would cringe at how I looked. When Dave was setting up the shot I could see him filming me from the most unflattering angle possible so I asked Jason to turn the monitor so I couldn't see it. It was very hard not to put in my two cents and ask him to shoot from a different angle, but then I would be breaking one of my own hard and fast rules on the set: do your job, and only your job. If you are an actor, act. Don't tell the cameraperson or the director how they should do their job. An actor on my set who would do that would get the Look of Death from me in the blink of an eye. I had to follow my own rule.

I have to look crappy and tacky in another scene as the same character, and be mean and heartless, but in a third scene I get to look more myself, and slightly less mean and heartless, even though I cause another character to have a mental meltdown. Can't wait!

Ready For My Close-Up... Ish.

I have no movie-related photos, per se, for you, but I hate to post without pics. And the above is a very rare cute pic of one of my dogs, Timmy, a.k.a. Baby Boy. Tim is very camera shy and most often comes across looking extremely stressed out, for example:

Poor Timbuktu. I know how he feels. People who consider themselves to be a director, or at a minimum consider themselves to NOT be an actor, often have varying degrees of stage fright themselves, and I am no exception.

A friend of mine in Paris, Jerome, is an award-winning director who refuses to even allow a photo of himself to be taken. When I was making the short, "The Red-Headed Menace," Michelle, who is used to being behind the camera instead of in front of it, proved to need more coddling (well, perhaps, "threatening" would be more accurate in her case) than the children on the set. She was truly uncomfortable, though she pulled it off in the end and I have received many compliments from people who know her well on how natural her performance came across.

I have been on camera a grand total of three times. The first was in the preliminary trailer for Charm City/Smalltimore (click on the YouTube link at the top of the sidebar on the right and you can check out my debut for yourself) that was made waaaay back in December 2007, eight months before we actually started filming Smalltimore. I was more or less playing myself in three scenes, 2 of 3 with another actor who was a good friend and with whom I was very comfortable. The big factor, however, was that my friend Sean Stanley was directing the scenes, and I felt very comfortable doing whatever he told me to do. Okay, maybe "comfortable" isn't the right word, but I trusted him, and more importantly, I respected him and didn't want to screw up in front of him or waste his or the crew's time. It is not easy for someone, especially someone who is used to being the person in charge, to surrender themselves to someone else. That is what acting is, handing yourself over, and I have a great deal of respect for actors. I think it is important for a director to put her/himself in their shoes once in awhile.

The second time I was in front of a camera was in November of 2008, when I took Steve Yeager's Acting for the Camera seminar at the Creative Alliance. Talk about nerve-wracking. Each of the six students in the class were given a different monologue, each selected by Steve, to memorize in one week before our next class. If I remember correctly, mine was almost FOUR minutes long, That is an eternity, and a lot to memorize. I wish I could remember the play it is from, I'll have to ask Steve. But the gist of it was, I think, that a rather shy and sheltered rural housewife tries, clumsily at first, to seduce a young man who is in her house to repair her bedframe. I worked very hard to memorize this enormous chunk of dialogue. We also had to figure out all on our own, with no direction, what our body language, movements, and facial expressions would be. I studied the script and worked on it while I was drying my hair, doing dishes, taking a shower, whenever I could.

The day came and my heart was beating out of control from the moment I got up, just thinking about it. I had to deliver this monologue, standing in front of the camera by myself, while Steve stood in front of me behind the camera and my five classmates sat on the sidelines. I felt my face flush, feeling them staring at me, sort of seeing them in my peripheral vision.

"Aaaand, ACTION."

The great and perfect thing about the piece (which was actually very strange, and I don't think I even really understood it until I had read it a million times and had it fully committed to memory), was that the character starts off, in my interpretation anyway, quite timid and nervous but by the end of the piece has gathered confidence. And that is how it played out as I recited it. I was a WRECK to start off with, my stomach seized up tight like a fist, my knees wobbly. I could hear my voice shaking. I was terrified that halfway through I would blank out, or just look like a deer in headlights. But it worked for the piece. She was supposed to be unsure of herself. By the time I got halfway through, almost two whole minutes, I realized that I wasn't going to forget anything, and I could tell by the look on Steve's face that I was doing fine with my physical presentation as well. And I could tell by the complete lack of movement in my peripheral vision, and occasional laughter in the right spots, that I had the full attention of my classmates. As I ramped up towards the end, the character talks in an extremely sensual manner about the experience of opening a can of tuna fish. I was extremely NOT comfortable delivering this part of the speech, but it is like karaoke, or wearing a hat - it is all or nothing. If you don't belt out the song or have a little swagger in your step, you are going to look like an idiot. Better to only feel like an idiot, but look like you know what you are doing. I stared a hole through the camera and made sure that anyone on the receiving end knew that even though I was talking about a can of tuna fish, I was unmistakably NOT talking about tuna fish at all.

"Aaaand, CUT!"

I got a round of applause, and one of the guys in the class exhaled sharply and claimed that he would never look at a can of tuna fish in quite the same way.

The third time on camera was, of course, in "The Red-Headed Menace," this time definitely me playing me. Which is just about the hardest thing an actor can be asked to do, let alone a non-actor. Add to that pressure the fact that this was the largest set, almost 50 people, that I had ever brought together, and I am trying to direct myself, Michelle, and Craig Herron - the three of us all non-actors who are usually only behind the scenes - all in the same scene. These were my cast, my crew, and I am their director. Throwing myself into this fire was an opportunity to gain a deeper respect from them (and for them), or to lose any and all respect from them that I had already built up. It all turned out all right. Really good, actually. But that's the beauty of filmmaking - you will never see the terrible takes that came before the one decent one!

So, anyway... as I have recently mentioned, I am going to have a small role in an upcoming horror short, written and directed by Jason Koch, by Zinnia Films. I barely know Jason, but I can gauge pretty quickly how I am going to get along with people, and if I didn't like him (and the script) and trust him right off the bat, I most likely would have turned it down. If I had to read against someone else for the part I probably wouldn't have done it either. I am not an actor, so I would (a) just assume that almost any actor could beat me out for it, and (b) if I were any good I'd feel guilty taking a part away from an actual actor.

Though he has a great deal of experience within the industry, this is Jason's first creative piece that he is writing and directing himself, and I feel as strongly about not letting him down as I did about not falling on my face in front of Sean, Steve, or my own cast and crew. I'm excited. It's going to be fine. It's going to be more than fine. Stand back - I am going to nail this.

Girl's Night, Games, & Gore

[Yes, that is crispy BACON topping the maple cream cheese icing on the maple bacon cupcakes that my friend Alvina brought over to Ladies' Independent Movie night at my place. If it weren't for men, and not being able to afford fitting my butt into anything other than coach class, I would eat these things EVERY DAY.]

Last Saturday night I had five of my female friends over for a Ladies' Indie Film Evening. We watched my friend Adam Bronstein's "My Movie Girl," and I'd say it was a hit with the crowd. In addition to writing and directing the film, Adam also was the lead. One of my friends, Elizabeth, had met Adam when he visited me a couple months ago. I think it is always extra cool to see people you know in the movies, and I think Elizabeth enjoyed the movie a little bit extra.

Monday, I finally, at the last possible minute of course, sent my application to the Director's Guild of America (DGA) Assistant Director Training Program in New York City. I can't even begin to explain to you how badly I want this. I was working on the set of, "The Rosens," last spring, and the gaffer/grip Grey Adkins told me about the program on our lunch break. It sounded far too good to be true. It is a two-year program, there is no tuition cost to the trainee, AND they give you health insurance while you are in the program. What's the catch? It is very stiff competition. Out of 250-300 applicants each year, they only accept 5 to 7. If you get past the application step, you have to go to NYC to take a written test in February. If you get past that, you go back in April for in-person interview(s). And if you get past THAT, you go back again in May for another, final in-person interview. If you are one of the very few they finally select, the program begins in mid-June and lasts for two years.

So now, we play The Waiting Game... I hate The Waiting Game.

The things Grey told me were true - no tuition, yes to insurance. In addition to that, the program is in large part on the job training. I would SO much rather be doing that than sitting in a classroom, so that was good news to me. They farm you out to film and television productions, and while you are working on the set, you get paid. I think it must be operated sort of like a temp agency. It's not a regular check, since sometimes you are on the set and sometimes not, so you'd have to get a part-time job to make ends meet in the Big Apple. Upon successfully completing the two-year program, you can join the union as a 2nd Assistant Director.

Everything about this program sounds like it is perfectly suited to me and what I want to do. By no means do I think I am a shoo-in, but I do believe I have as good a chance as anyone. Moving to New York would be a big deal, but I have been visualizing it for awhile now, and getting excited about it. To the point that I may do it whether I get into the program or not. Pleeeeeease don't think that I am anxious to leave Baltimore. If you've read much of my blog(s), let alone seen "Smalltimore," I hope you know how much I love this city. I don't think I could ever be the kind of person to say of any single place, though, "This is where I am going to spend the rest of my life." I'm a Gemini. That's how we do.

And speaking of my dual nature, I am super-stoked to tell you that it looks like I am going to have a (very) small part(s) in an upcoming horror short by Zinnia Films. Jason Koch is the writer/director. I met him at Cinelounge at the Creative Alliance. He had seen me in "The Red-Headed Menace" and the preliminary trailer for Charm City/Smalltimore and asked if I would do this little part. It is not many lines, which is good for me, but the really cool thing is, it is a dual role, so I get to play two completely different people. This to me makes it waaaay more fun than just doing a little part, which would probably just rack my nerves. It is actually a lot more about how I look than about the dialogue, so I can focus on that and not be so nervous. And also I won't have much responsibility on the set, so for once maybe I will be privy to all the behind the scenes gossip and drama, since I won't be the one in charge!

I have no aspirations at this late date to become an actor, but doing something small like this once in awhile, I believe, helps me to be a better director. It also builds my confidence, as I honestly find it quite scary, and it not so much forces me out of my comfort zone as it CATAPULTS me. I just met Jason, really, but I was comfortable with him right away and I am looking forward to working with him. I had a chance to see some shorts that Zinnia Films has done. They were very professional, I especially liked "Yard Sale." They have a good reputation, and one thing always leads to another. It is in pre-pro now, shooting in March-April. Can't wait to get on a new set! Even though I may end up covered in blood!